Post treatment sexual stress

[Inwoodchris]

From the beginning, the idea of having cancer has been more interesting than traumatic for me. I was diagnosed and had the operation back in December of 2005. I followed with the radiation therapy, and everything so far has gone very well. Physically all is back to normal. I didn't have much anxiety with the operation because I wasn't in any pain. I just noticed this bump and saw the doctor. He took it out and that was it.

However, I am now having post operative stresses. I had the implant put in and although it looks good, lol, it does feel strange, like a fake testicle. I have become rather self conscious of it. I also feel like the scar, which has healed well, still requires an explanation. The short of it all is that I have become hesitant to meet people. I didn't have a partner before the operation, and I am having trouble even wanting to meet people to go on dates not to mention having sex.

This has made me moody, bothered, and seclusive. My friend suggested that I find someone who has gone through this to talk to them. So here I am seeing if any of you have gone through a similar experience.

Thank you in advance.

[NewWife624]

Hi Chris,
I guess that as the "new wife" (6/28 was our wedding in Jim's hospital room), I can tell you that there's a sexual fear on my part. Jim wants his life back, but he's been through so much more than a bilateral orchiectomy & lymph dissection.
The nightmare began not quite 4 weeks ago, when he had to go to the ER with testicular torsion (1080*; that would be 3 times turned). That's painful enough--he said that he thought he had a kidney stone, but the paramedic in me tossed out that unofficial diagnosis as he was grabbing at his crotch. Hmmm...go figure. Jim came home the day after the surgery, was doing fine, then threw a clot that settled in his lung (pulmary embolism). He is very lucky to be alive. Jim is 45 & I am 35. He was a widower with a 19 yr old daughter. I was a widow with a 12 yr old son. I, too, am a cancer survivor (Hodgkin's Lymphoma). I understand the concept of becoming sterile, but we have our kids and that part is okay.
Today, his last day in the hospital (again), I met up with an attitude that I haven't seen thus far. Part of it was that he hasn't had anymore testesterone. No one thought of ordering it since Jim had to be airlifted from the local hospital to Chicago. I might as well be a widow again by the way that he has shut down over the last couple of days. I married him because I love Jim for who he is and that nifty bikini cut that hasn't quite healed yet is his badge of courage every bit as when I sat him down on my bed, straddled his legs and took off my sweater & bra to let him see the mastectomy scars that he knew all too well from his wife. I expected him to run away--and in a way, I did want him to run, then.
So guys...it really is possible to be loved despite it, but well, this woman needs some insight because her man just isn't ready to talk. Specifically, I kinda want to know what a retrograde ejaculation is like and how is it "different"...several websites have said that. I don't know of too many women who couldn't be more thrilled about a the "dry" occurrence, but how do I emotionally support this difference?

Thanks.

[supportive wife]

Hi Chris,

Let me let you in a little secret about us women; when you're naked, we are completely focused on one thing... and it's not your testicles. Put a smile on our faces and we will not care if you have one or three.

There are a lot of great women out there, so go out there and have fun. A women is going to love you for who you are and not what you have in your pants. My husband had his surgery last September and decided against having the implant. He is just as attractive to me as he was pre-surgery.

One suggestion though, think about where you stand on kids. Just consider the what if's. If you end up sterile, are you okay with using another man's sperm? Is adoption an option? When you tell a family-minded person you had TC, one of their first questions is "can you still have kids". You'll be much more comfortable on that date if you already have an answer or a back up plan.

Best of luck finding Mrs. Right.

[huckchef]

i believe it is really not that big of an issue as you may be making it out to be. they will like you for who you are not your scars. have you had your testosterone levels checked? some of this anxiety could be a form of depression which is present in some cases of T.C. moodiness is a definite side effect of low testosterone. you may want to have it checked. as far as the implant, i didn't want anything back in there after all i went through. i have read nothing but discomforts from others about their implants. so i don't think your alone. next time your at the urologists' office have them check your test levels, just in case! best of luck
my thoughts and prayers,
brian

[keysi]

Hi Chris,

Let me let you in a little secret about us women; when you're naked, we are completely focused on one thing... and it's not your testicles. Put a smile on our faces and we will not care if you have one or three.

I agree with Supportive Wife, my fiance had his testicle removed four monhts ago, and everything looks the same to me,,, sex has not changed at all for us, because he knows that I don't care, of course each person reacts different and in your case I think you just need to try....

[Inwoodchris]

Thank you all for you comments. It is nice to hear other perspectives. I go back to the doctor's in August so I will have them check the testosterone level. I definitely feel more down now then before so maybe that is part of it. One thing I should say to everyone is that that I am gay so Mrs Right is not really in the picture, but your sentiments, thoughts and prayers are much appreciate none the less.

[keysi]

Who cares if its Mrs Right or Mr Right!!!... I am sure a guy would not care either!! he will even understand more!

[Inwoodchris]

Thanks. I am sure that you are right.

[Ras Joe]

Hey Bro--

I have a "fakie" myself and I also was stressed out about it and I want you to know that not one thing was ever said about it by any of the women that I have been with post implant. I do not know if the testicles are an important aspect of homosexual intercourse, but for me, and accorrding to my fiancee, they are "annoying anyway and get in the way because you have to be so damn careful not to hurt them!). I think that you should be honest with your partners, like I have always been-- be upfront-- you have two testicles one is just more durable than the other! Stay up brother!!-- I will let you know what it is like to have two "fakies" soon-- I am set to lose my second (and LAST!!!) one to TC (again!) this week. Until then, as my girl says regarding the acceptance of the "fakie"-- if they are going to be superficial about any cancer related issue, especially a purely aesthetic aspect, their "energy" could actually be cancerous and they are not only not worth your time, they could actually be unhealthy for you to be around. Holla any time if you have any other questions about his or any thing else-- I pray that all works the way you need it to.

Respect--

Ras Joe

[supportive wife]

Chris ~ Mr. Right would be lucky to have you no matter how many testicles you have

[Inwoodchris]

I think that the men you're with have certainly found Ms. Right. You all are quite cool for your honesty and remarks. Thank you.

Ras Joe, yeah the fakies are an odd thing, and its a good thing to remember about people. We certainly don't need any bad energy in our lives. but more importantly, at this moment, I wish you all the best with your next adventure.

[stevenh77]

Well, like many people on this forum have said, I don't think most women would have a problem with the fact that you've had a testicle removed.. and if they do, they're probably not the type of woman I could see myself spending the rest of my life with anyway.

My fiance has been very supportive through this whole thing, I don't think I would have made it through the first couple of days after my orchiectomy without her. I needed help just to get out of bed and get into the shower. I was ok once I was on my feet, but getting to that point was difficult and a little painful. That being said, I did try to stay as active as I could without hurting myself and I was even up playing my guitar the same day of the surgery.