Hi everyone

[Captain Dan]

I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. My name is Dan, I'm 25, and I live in Indianapolis. I first noticed a lump on my left testicle this past spring, but I was too scared to have it checked out right away. Several months passed before I could work up the courage to see a doctor. I went to a urologist in August, and before I knew it, I was scheduled for an orchiectomy. I was diagnosed with stage I seminoma. I began radiation shortly thereafter, and now I'm under surveillance.

When I was undergoing treatment, I was reluctant to accept much sympathy because I felt that my illness was, as I put it, "embarrassingly curable." I would look around at the other people in the waiting room at the radiation therapy department and I'd compare my situation to theirs; I felt that I didn't deserve all the support I was getting. I would ask myself, "How does my ordeal even compare to the woman who barely has the strength to make it through simulation? Or the guy who's dying because he's too weak to have surgery?" This is something I'm still struggling with.

I'm relieved that my treatment is finished but I've found it difficult to simply get on with my life. Everything happened so quickly that I didn't have time to take it all in, and for the past week or so I've been consumed by a maelstrom of emotion: sadness, confusion, fear, anger, and loneliness. I want to know why this happened to me, and I'm frustrated that no real risk factors have been identified for this disease. I'm traumatized from having a life-threatening illness, no matter how curable it is. I'm afraid that it will come back. And I don't have anyone in my life that understands what I've been through.

So, I'm glad to be here.

I'll leave it at that for now.

[Karen]

Dan,
Welcome! You now have a lot of people in your life that understand what you've been through. Your emotions are normal. I found that when my husband was diagnosed I was in a frenzy trying to learn all I could and be as proactive as possible to get him cured. Once radiation stopped you're kind of in limbo waiting for the next check up and wondering if it will ever come back. That was a tough transition, but it is the new reality. It can't be changed and must be accepted for what it is and dealt with.
It's been 10 months since Ray was diagnosed and I find the fear is always there but can be kept at bay and life does go on, even fuller than before because we realize how very precious it is and how in an instant it can all change.
I'm glad you found us! The folks on this site have always buoyed me up when I felt weak and we will all do that for you.
Karen

[Scott]

Welcome to the forums, Dan! I'm glad you found us. As the LAF Manifesto says, "Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life." I can relate to how you feel.

[dadmo]

Dan:
You're certainly not alone. Don't ever think you havent paid your dues, you're 25 had a testicle removed and had to get radiation to cure you. It may not seem it compaird to the others you saw but I know in my son's case when we looked around the "chemo cafe" he was the youngest by 25-30 years. Your dues are paid up for a lifetime. The emotions will rollorcoaster for a while, that's quite normal. Just focus on moving foward to steal a line from Jimmy Buffet

"According to my watch, the time is now
The past is dead and gone
Don’t try to shake it, just nod your head
Breathe in, breathe out, move on

Dont try to explain it, just bow your head
Breathe in, Breathe Out, Move on….

[Russell's Mom]

Hi Dan,

Hi Dan, Sometimes the emotional wounds are bigger than what has occurred to the body. Just like a body wound, the emotions will need some tending to and as well a little time. No one has been able to predict just when and how the emotions will occur. Whenever there is illness or loss, we go through the grieving process. Exactly what you have described. There will also be some denial and thank-goodness acceptance!!! Be gentle, you wouldn't kick a wounded leg! Something offered to me....spend a set amount of time truely honoring the emotion. Be really sad, or really angry. Then when the time allowed is at an end, take the rest of the energy and do something for someone else. Usually for me that left over energy is quite creative and loaded with power!! It is a good thing that you have compassion for others, better than sitting there with no feelings! Time will ease the load and I am sure that you have a lot to offer! Take care, Russell's Mom, Sharon

[dadmo]

Dan:
The emotional needs of cancer patients are greatly underserved. Don't be shy about posting here we all understand that somedays will be magic some will be tragic. Just hang tough it will get easier as you move on.