Funny stories from time spent in the hospital

[Already Bald]

How could I pass up this gem?

My last follow up visit with my oncologist at HUP (Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania), was in January, and I had just turned 41.
HUP was in the process of an audit for Joint Commissions, so there was some extra paperwork to fill out prior to my visit.
Behind the desk was a new girl I had not seen before- real young, real pretty- tan, with those blue eyes and that perky body and the big smile. She was a hottie.

So anyway, she is asking me a couple of questions about the treatments I've had, and I told her I had had an RPLND up at Sloan.
She looked perplexed, so I said, "You know what that is, right?"

She said, "Not really, but is that something I'm probably going to have when I get old?"

So, How could I pass that gem up, right?

I said, "Probably not, but you'll need to eat right, stay fit and never smoke. But you should definately talk to the doctors about it just the same."

I just couldn't resist.

[MRMRSU]

Oh Joe...you little devil you!

[Russell's Mom]

If I were you, I would brace myself for the kick in the butt that the universe is going to send your way!! Poor girl! I'm thinking she will be quite confused and wondering if they clipped away at some wrong parts and created some cross wiring. Old hospital joke. Have you heard about the new operation? Optirectomy. It is where they cut the nerve from your eye to your rectum...so you don't have such a shi**y outlook on life. You "are" a rascal. take care, Sharon

[Aegletes]

(...)So, How could I pass that gem up, right?

I said, "Probably not, but you'll need to eat right, stay fit and never smoke. But you should definately talk to the doctors about it just the same."

I just couldn't resist.

Joe,
I'm just catching up on this thread and just have to tip my hat to your sense of humor. Bravo!

All I have to offer is my urologist, just prior to my I/O surgery this time around, displaying a little poor taste by telling me "Look at it this way - you won't be an oddball anymore." Stick to your day job, doc.

[Already Bald]

Joe,
I'm just catching up on this thread and just have to tip my hat to your sense of humor. Bravo!

All I have to offer is my urologist, just prior to my I/O surgery this time around, displaying a little poor taste by telling me "Look at it this way - you won't be an oddball anymore." Stick to your day job, doc.

That same young lady checked me in when I went to the Doctor's yesterday. I was real nice to her, honest Sharon! I even thought about apologizing, but she would be like- "for what?" . Anyway, I made it a point to be very polite, and smiled nicely. Hope she didn't think I was trying to hit on her, damn it..Sometimes I can't do anything right.

Anyway, Sharon- you talk about the kick in the but the universe is going to give me- it got me in the gut instead.

[TCLEFT]

Anyway, Sharon- you talk about the kick in the but the universe is going to give.

This explains a lot (for me that is).

[Aegletes]

That same young lady checked me in when I went to the Doctor's yesterday. I was real nice to her, honest Sharon! I even thought about apologizing, but she would be like- "for what?" . (...)

Maybe I'm tough on people but in my book, any reference to "old" deserves a comeback like yours. So I wouldn't apologize.

[Andrew Martyn]

Not so funny when you have a gut full of staples!

Hi Everyone,

This exchange took place after I had catheter trouble. On day 2 after RPLND they took it out, since I could not go they put it back in. Not pleasant.


Three surgeons walk in to check on me, they look at the incision ask the usual,have you eaten, gas, crap...do I have any questions?? "what's up with the catheter" I ask.
Chief surgeon looks me right in the eye and says, "you'll have to see a real doctor about that, we are just urologists."
Doctor then just carry on like nothing funny happened then they all crack, they always had a joke of this sort each morning and made it sort of less then terrible.

Another humorous line was that " I looked good...........on paper" he also likes to call big tumour- Humongatomas- later an intern told me it was from the root word humongous, but that it wasn't really a word.

Pretty funny stuff I guess they get to work on their material with each new drone.

[Jay68442]

I have a catheter story. Its not a funny story buy Andrew's post broght this memory right back to me.

It was after my RPLND, before they were to release me. They removed the catheter in the morning and told me I needed to urinate on my own before I would be allowed to go home. The whole day goes by and I still can't go. Meanwhile I continued to eat and drink. I tried everything, running the sink and so on. The doctor comes in and tells me he has to reinsert the catheter. Not what I wanted to hear but I knew it needed to be done. My bladder was about to explode. Well the doctor inserted the catheter but never connected the other end to the bag. You guessed it, I was pissed literally.

[MRMRSU]

That's terrible Jay...bet you smelled lovely though

Hey Marty, glad to see your docs could crack jokes...I do like that part where you "looked good...on paper" Classic!

[Aegletes]

(...)Another humorous line was that " I looked good...........on paper" he also likes to call big tumour- Humongatomas- later an intern told me it was from the root word humongous, but that it wasn't really a word. (...)

Please tell me you audibly groaned at their jokes. It's funny how for every caustic unpleasant doctor, there's another who does stand-up comedy. My radiation oncologist from TC1 twelve years back, after I complained of pain in my scrotum near the stump of the spermatic chord, replied "Well, we'll just have to call you Stumpy then." She was a great doctor, one of the best I ever had.

[Chickie]

Ok, now that I have laughed so hard that I have woken up Hubby, who by the way is on pain meds and a sound sleeper, I will share one of the funny stories we have. Being this past Tuesday it is foremost in my mind.

After having made him a bracelet saying he has had 4xbep so is oxygen sensative, we start our wait. The surgeon is called in to an ongoing surgery to help out and we wait for another hour and a half. At this point we are all a bit looney. Meanwhile the nurse comes in to have him autograph the testicle to be reomoved. Since there are 2 women in the room she says, Ok, Travis, who are these women? At which he says, oh, this is Glynda, my wife. And I say, this is Susan, his mistress. We all sit there looking at her and for about 45 seconds you could hear a pin drop. Susan then caves and lets her know that she is a friend and the nurse asks her to leave so that she may speak privately with us. After he signs on the invisible line, I go to get her so that she can some back in on the way I tell her ehat has gone on. Upon re entry she looks at Trav and asks to see, perhaps she could add to it and they could then put it in a gallery for show. I thought the nurse was going to fall over.

While in the waiting room after surgery, the Dr comes out and tells us how it went and what not. He then proceeds to tell us that it took a bit longer to get him hooked up to the anesthetic because they were all laughing. Trav not being a particularly funny guy I asked what was so funny. Apparently when the anesthesiologist asked about the oxygen bracelet they had put on him, he said that it was just to satisfy his wife who has concerns about the oxygen since he had the bep. The nurse (same one as above) asks, Oh, is she a nurse? My hubby replies matter of factly, No, but she has stayed at a Holiday Inn before.

I almost peed my pants to think that right before he had to go and loose one of the boys, he was funny, and I missed it. Glad he went under laughing though.

I think that without our humor thru all of this I would be sitting naked in a corner rocking back and forth eating mayonaise.

I very much enjoy hearing all the stories, makes our stories seem not so, um, believe it or not, lol. I am sure that I will remember more as I think about them.

Have a great weekend everyone!

[Aegletes]

(...)I very much enjoy hearing all the stories, makes our stories seem not so, um, believe it or not, lol. I am sure that I will remember more as I think about them.(...)

Chickie,
Humor is critical at times like these indeed. People at work asked why I was so eager to come back to work after this latest IO. I work in a large corporation where the absurdity and stupidity never end so I replied that I needed a few good laughs, which I wouldn't get at home. So to your point, if the only other option is to sit home and let the negativity take over, humor is the best alternative.

Meanwhile, on my end, all I can share at the risk of being a little crude is that having just gone throught IO number 2, I took my urologist up on getting implants for both sides (including the empty space from IO number 1 over a decade ago). It was one thing to be lop-sided but I didn't think I could handle having any empty purse "down there." When I asked the doctor about size, he replied "I ordered large. I didn't want to insult you by ordering small." I thanked him and then quickly changed the subject. It seemed a little awkward.

[Already Bald]

Boxers or Briefs??

Last week I bought new underwear.
I tried out Haines boxers, I was ready for a change.
Yesterday I wore them, and they fit a little funny- not a whole lotta room or support. I figured that with the I/O they should be a better fit, but they were not real comfortable. In fact during my morning meeting I suddenly got a real tight pinch on lefty, and had to stand up quick to re-adjust.

When I went to the bathroom, I realized I had put the damn things on backwards!! .
Guess I am getting "old".

[TCLEFT]

Last Friday I went for my Surveillance check up before scan month. One of my favorite nurses has left the Cancer Center to pursue a career as an ER nurse. She's always been supportive of me and had a good sense of humor.I suggested if she ever comes accross a scared patient in the ER, I had just the thing to say to calm them down. She asked. I told. "Don't worry about a thing. No matter what happens, eventually the bleeding will stop". I promptly got a punch for that one.