Worried Mom

[Chris'Mom]

HI all..just venting...Chris has been dragging his feet about getting his bloodwork, Chest x-rays, probably about three or four weeks overdue by now...I call him at school, and I know he is 22, but I worry. He used to go so easily...every month, now at three month intervals and he keeps telling me he is so busy, and will get to it. I call and every time he says next week.
Not much I can do...just wondered if anyone who has gone thru it knows what he is thinking, just maybe getting tired of it...sorry to ramble, we even missed our last visit to Sloan because of his schedule, which I am sure they won't like...hopefully, Chris will call me next week and say it is done...thanks for listening.....Mary Ellen

[veryworriedmom]

Hi Mary Ellen, When my son (23) decided to go on surveillance the oncologist warned us that the biggest issue with the younger guys is that after awhile they get complacent, they just want to move on with there lives and not deal with it which is why surveillance can be a risky choice for younger guys. I told my son that if he didnt show for checkups and tests I would be on my broomstick at his door. All I can suggest is that you email him,(moms voices sometimes nag) and ask him if you were in his position and your life and health was dependent on follow ups what would he want you to do? If that doesnt work let me know and maybe I will nag him. VWM

[Chris'Mom]

Thanks so much for your take on it...it sounds right on the money, very complacent lately.....like, why after two years do I need to keep this up. But I like what you said...I will tell Chris how would he like it if it was me....thanks for your insight....they are so young, and probably just want to get on with it....take care...maybe I will take you up on nagging Chris.for me...Mary Ellen

[Already Bald]

Hi MaryEllen,
Why don't you tell him that you are going to post his phone number on this forum?
Tell him to get in there or he will get dozens of calls from many caring people!
Big Brothers and Sisters Unite!

[drom]

Alex was always good about follow up visits but we had to hound him about this one on Monday. He is at school, "it is a pain to come down, he has so much to do". I'm sure you heard it.

In a sense I'm sure it is a part of them putting the cancer behind them, it is our job to be the proverbial pain in the butt. Kim and I have been doing it to him for 21 years we don't intend to stop now.

I don't know about you but the visit is Monday, I already can't sleep have a headache and am full of anxiety. It never ends.

Domenic

[Jay68442]

I know when I was that age I did the same thing. Just our way of saying enough, I don't want to have to think about this any more. He may need a good kick in the a$$ to get him going. I know I did.

[Fed]

Kids these days... (oh wait... I was once one )

Dianne, you really need to hound him on this. Everyone wishes we didn't have to go through all these hoops, but that's the hand we have to play with -and our lives are at stake. True, chances are he is completely rid of the beast, but he should be asking himself whether an hour of his time for the bloodwork and radiology is a worthwhile investment every few months to ensure that he will live a long and healthy life. I think even 23-year-olds can't argue against that. Keep at it!

[MRMRSU]

Hi MaryEllen,
Why don't you tell him that you are going to post his phone number on this forum?
Tell him to get in there or he will get dozens of calls from many caring people!
Big Brothers and Sisters Unite!

Too funny Joe!

But hey Mary Ellen, Joe's suggestion might not be a bad idea. I'll harass him all the way from Cali if you like!!! I may not be a mom, but I can sure be a nagging big sis! Just ask my 29-year-old kid brother who still gets calls from me! You mentioned that Chris has been 2-years since diagnosis, he's probably feeling normal once again and feels that he's passed the threshold.

[Chris'Mom]

Maria, Fed, Jay, Domenic and Joe - thanks for the input...Joe, today is Chris' dads 52nd birthday, and we are all here...and I happened to pull up this post during a break in fun...and we all had a good laugh over a tough situation over your comment about everyone calling Chris' cell phone...boy, would he love me for that! I bug him enough...thanks for the laugh, but we may need it.....his dad just talked to him on phone when Chris called and he said he may go tomorrow (wonder if they are even open on weekend) thanks for all the support to my friends here...you are all the best...I have been keeping it in lately, just worrying since he is being so stubborn....thanks for being there...and Fed yes, one quick hour is worth it for your health...M

[Chris'Mom]

One more thing...Maria, Chris doesn't have a big sis, just a younger one, so I may need you after all...and Domenic, yes, even after two years...always anxiety, and so much worry, til the call comes everything ok and then we breathe and laugh and live for another three months (or in Chris' case, four months)...Mary Ellen

[mstlyn]

Hi MaryEllen,
Why don't you tell him that you are going to post his phone number on this forum?
Tell him to get in there or he will get dozens of calls from many caring people!
Big Brothers and Sisters Unite!

I like your style JOE!!

[mstlyn]

I havent had this problem yet with Anthony, but I have given this some thought more than a few times. Im sure that day will come, knowing him.
I know how this age thinks too because I was that age once, and I have 4 kids, with 3 being over 20.

I have a lot of control over it right now because Anthony lives at home with me, and I just make the appointments and tell him .. time to go.

It's his brother (23 yrs old)that tells me.. MOM he's alright! The cancer is gone! But then, he has had problems facing this from the beginning. He runs from it, like its not happening. He had to get drunk in order to come home and ask me ..is Anthony going to die?

I think that when they are so young, a few good test results and they believe that is all over. They are young, and they just get back to normal life and probably don't want to be reminded that theres a possibility it could come back.
Stay on him ..maybe just schedule the appointment for him if you can, and tell him, it's time to do this, and I won't accept any excuses.

Too bad some of these guys arent regularly in touch with each other... They could influence each other to schedule appointments, and talk to each other about thier experiences, test results, and what not.

Nothing like one of your peers in the same boat to pick up the phone and say.. Dude! We have to do this-

I think the all use the term Dude .. dont they?

[Mom]

They're all alike MaryEllen. Jeff would never have made it on surveillance. I have to beg and plead with him, I have to put a guilt trip on him, I have to threaten to disinherit him. Nothing works. When I start crying, he goes...

[Chris'Mom]

Yes, the tears usually work the trick on Chris too...after the yelling by me....lets hope by this time next week he has gone....better a little late, than not.....I know if I had been having to do this at his age, I probably would have hated it...I am not the best myself when it comes to the Dr. and making appts.....but I will stay on him daily, and then he will be sick of me harping and he will go.hopefully.......thanks...Mary Ellen

[DianeE]

Hi MaryEllen,

You're not asking him to do any more than his doctors are! I think Joe's idea is a great one! We'll all call him.

Brian is very good about his follow ups and I think it's because he's a father
and husband and knows he is important in their lives and they depend on him for so much.

Also, his wife would kick his ass if he misses an appointment and I would
be cheering her on!!

Diane