Infertility

[LolaBue]

I just found out a few days ago that my boyfriend of 5 years has TC. We are young... and this is crazy, i never would have thought.. Anyways, his doctor says he needs to have surgury, which by the way by boyfriend is acting like this is not a big deal and its driving me crazy..
i read that this can cause infertility.. and like i said we are young, and I want kids in the next few years, and i cant stop thinking about him getting through this, and us not being able to have kids one day. Anyone have any info on this

[dadmo]

The removal of a testicle will not cause infertility. Quite often the one that's left becomes a super star. Do you have a date set for the removal of that testicle? I can tell you this, the sooner it's out the better his chances of an easy cure.

[boyce]

Hi Lola

I'm sorry that you have to be part of this group, but we are a welcoming and understanding bunch.

With the Tc diagnosis, what is the type of cancer? Is it seminoma, non-seminoma, etc?

Item 1 here, before fertility, is survivorship. Many Tc survivors are well able to father children, but treatment of the cancer comes first.

If you'll share with us what he has, and what treatment options besides the orchiectomy (testicle removal), you'll get real-life advice and understanding of the issues ahead. Tc has a good survival rate, and in many cases can be cured altogether!

Now is a good time to take small steps. After the orchiectomy, if chemo is a treatment choice, then he may wat to look at banking sperm. But let's cross that bridge when we come to it.

We are here for both you and him as you start this unwelcome journey. We have been through this ourselves and with each other. Please let us know how we can helpa nd what questions you have.

[MRMRSU]

Hi Lola: Welcome to the forum, but so sorry you have to be here. The membership numbers are becoming much too numerous. Boyce's suggestion is a good one...small steps because "Yard by yard, life is hard...but inch by inch, life's a cinch." I know it must be a very scary time for you and your boyfriend, but rest-assured there are many good people on this board who can help both of you through this. So post whenever you have questions or need to vent. Sperm banking was a choice we made, and we did this before the orchiectomy. But whether this is done before or after surgery shouldn't be an issue. As the guys have said, the "lone ranger" left behind should be able to get the job done. Let us know how we can help you once you get the surgery date. There will be lots of advice from everyone to see you through this. So take a deep breath and focus on the first step.

[Mom]

Your concerns about fertility are understandable. Sometimes men with TC are predisposed to having a low sperm count in the first place. My husband had a very low sperm count before he was diagnosed. My son did not. I was able to conceive with a low sperm count. My son banked sperm before after the I/O and before chemo. He started to regenerate about 12 months post chemo and at 18 months post chemo did not have enough for a normal conception but enough to do IVF. The fertility specialist chose to take his "fresh" sperm rather than the "banked" sperm. They are expecting a little girl in October. They are hoping that by next spring he will have fully recovered. So, if you want children, you will have children. If it is not possible for him to provide his sperm, my husband was very willing to use donor sperm. Men want families too. Oh, BTW, my husband didn't think it was a big deal either, it is called "denial." But a good mental attitude is very important in this fight and staying positive goes a long way in speeding his recovery. You stay positive too! Dianne

[LolaBue]

Thank you..

I just got back from lunch and sat down at my desk, not thinking anyone had responded, but you guys have! This is really helpful to know other people have been there. And to respond to some of the comments, i do not know what type it is, he doesn't want to talk about it. He actually is being almost meen, and i dont understand why. Well i do, but its hard to see him react like that. I felt so selfish all day just thinking about the whole having kids thing, but it was really bothering me. But reading all of this does help. Now i just have to worry about making him take this more serious and hurry and schedule that surgury. Thanks again, and i will keep you all updated!

[dadmo]

Lola:
He's not being mean his being a regular guy. In general we don't deal with this real well. Be patient with him and as you find out information post it her and we can try and help you.

[Jay68442]

Hi Lola,
Give your man some time. He will express himself sooner or later. Everyone deals with things differently.

As for infertility. At this point he probably still has time to bank some sperm just in case. But in most cases the loss of a testicle does not mean infertility. It really depends on the treatments he receives. I was diagnosed at 16 and banked some sperm. After going through some really tough treatments and a bone marrow transplant I conceived my first child naturally. Not shortly after I had my banked sperm destroyed. My doctor told me there was a pretty good chance I would be sterile after the high dose chemo but that just goes to show you, nothing is 100%.
BTW, sorry you had to join our club.
Jason

[DAWN82]

I just got back from lunch and sat down at my desk, not thinking anyone had responded, but you guys have! This is really helpful to know other people have been there. And to respond to some of the comments, i do not know what type it is, he doesn't want to talk about it. He actually is being almost meen, and i dont understand why. Well i do, but its hard to see him react like that. I felt so selfish all day just thinking about the whole having kids thing, but it was really bothering me. But reading all of this does help. Now i just have to worry about making him take this more serious and hurry and schedule that surgury. Thanks again, and i will keep you all updated!

LOLA,
i have to say that i am very concerned about what you are feeling. Having a child is important to everyone, me as well, but getting my fiance better is the MOST important thing! without him, my life would not be complete. having a child should not be something you be rushing him through the treatment for.If you say that around him, he might feel like he is less of a man because there me be a chance that he may not be able to father a child. thats not right for him to have to feel that way. Him getting better is what he should focus on. im sorry if i am coming off cold, but i had never worried about children in the beginning when he was sick. it just didnt matter if he wasnt going to get better. I think you should focus right now on making him know that you are there for him no matter what!! and you are going to stand beside him! dont bring. PLEASE dont bring up the child thing when he is down in the dumps and not feeling well. i hope this made sense to you...

Also please remember that, even before treatment starts, he may already be infertile. This cancer attacts the healthy sperm and there is a chance he could already be infertile.

i remember, when Brian was 1st diagnosed, he layed in the bed after being jsut told he has cancer, he cried his eyes out! because he knew there was a chance of us not being able to have a child. i just layed beside him and cried with him and said, "it doesnt matter, you are the most important thing in my life and we have to make you better! thats all that matter!".

good luck with everything and i hope you get some answers soon and he is on the way to recovery!

Dawn

[Margaret]

I just got back from lunch and sat down at my desk, not thinking anyone had responded, but you guys have! This is really helpful to know other people have been there. And to respond to some of the comments, i do not know what type it is, he doesn't want to talk about it. He actually is being almost meen, and i dont understand why. Well i do, but its hard to see him react like that. I felt so selfish all day just thinking about the whole having kids thing, but it was really bothering me. But reading all of this does help. Now i just have to worry about making him take this more serious and hurry and schedule that surgury. Thanks again, and i will keep you all updated!

Everyone expresses themselves in different ways. I cry. If I am happy I cry or sad I cry...or even if I am angry...yep, I usually cry. So when I see people in tough situations and they don't cry, I wonder why they are not showing their emotions. But just because I am open about my feelings ans wear my heart on my sleeve, does not mean everyone else does.

He could be angry because he is mad that he has to be handed this problem. Lord knows if I got told I had cancer I would be pissed too. People also grieve with this process. They have stages they must go through to lead them towards acceptance and then to happiness again. You can almost see that transformation here on this board as we watch people get handed bad news, accept the treament, and move on with their lives.

He will express himself when you least expect it. One night, about a month after we got told my husband had cancer, I was sitting in bed painting my toe nails and in walked Boyce...very scared, very sad and he put his heart out for me. I embraced it and his feelings and we talked it through. He was ready to talk...and if they are not ready, then you can't pry it out of them with a crow-bar.

As far as you feeling selfish. I say hogwash to that! You have feelings and dreams for a future. You also need to grieve the life you 'thought' you would have and the expectations you had for your life. Once in a partnership you share in the highs and lows. This low is now your cross to bear too and I am sure you did not see your future this way. But God may be offering you a future that you may not have selected for yourself, but it could be a happier future than you ever dreamed. Trust in God (if you can) and know that a very special life is ahead for you. But also know it is okay to feel sad or worried about what you wanted. If you can, find someone to lean on that is not your mate...he needs to lean on you right now, so find someone that you can share these feelings with so when you are with him, you can support him.

We are here for you.