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My husbands cancer journey & story - FROM a wife's point of view....

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  • My husbands cancer journey & story - FROM a wife's point of view....

    How Cancer Affected Me

    Here I am just 22
    With a beautiful daughter
    And a man with whom I said I Do.

    We are sharing our lives day by day
    Happy and normal
    Until the squeeze and ouch you say.

    The doctor looked, prodded and poked
    Yet Im a machine
    You use to joke.

    Catscan lead to the biopsy
    What could it be?
    You and I scared as can be.

    Then came the dreaded night with that call
    Mario you have cancer.
    You laid in shock and I started to bawl.

    Needles IVs - Chemotherapy
    Seeing you sick and weak
    It hurt deep within me.

    Weeks go by and out comes your hair
    Loving you unconditional
    Yet you started to doubt I cared.

    I was hurting so deep inside
    Seeing you sick yet Im helpless
    Id hide when I needed to cry.

    I didnt want you to worry about me
    Its not about me
    Crying hurting I didnt want you to see.

    I love you so much Mario my husband
    Id do anything to make you feel better
    Heal you, hold you grab your heart and mend.

    Chemotherapy passed to months of hope yet worry
    Catscans, pet-scans, blood tests galore
    Please God let that mass be gone we cant take anymore.

    Then comes the word
    Mario its still 4cm
    Surgery we really should!
    Scared worried with questions of why
    Im so scared, I dont want to loose him
    I grab my pillow and cry.

    Then comes the day of the surgery to be cancer-free,
    I hold Marios hand
    Then they say its time and wheel him from me.

    I sit in the waiting room anxious as can be,
    Just hear something from the nurse
    Could really help me

    Call one,
    Things are going fine
    hes doing great his so strong and young.

    Call two, The Dr. says I need to speak with you
    He comes in with blood from head to toe
    His aorta burst, his bleeding real bad there may be nothing we can do.

    My knees give in and I drop to the floor
    I grab my mom and start to weep
    I feel my heart being ripped from within my core.

    With family surrounding me,
    Hugging - praying
    Lord God I love him please dont take him from me!

    Stop the bleeding, make it stop
    Crying out I scream.
    Dad but I love him so much.

    Time moving sooo slow,
    I would look around the room
    Grandma, Espie Mom and Dad
    Everyone weeping with hearts sooo sad

    Its not his time we all would pray
    Making the bleeding stop I cried
    I need him I would say!

    Doctor came and said the bleeding stopped
    Praise the Lord we all said
    But wait the cancer still remains.

    I see him bloated, with so many tubes
    I burst into tears
    Why all this? Why ICU?

    Two weeks I lived at the hospital
    Theres no way I could leave
    My entire family did agree
    We slept in the trailer for night after night
    Watching and praying over Mario
    For his will to keep up the fight!

    He is improving so drastically
    The Doctors are amazed
    Lord watch over him and heal him so he can be cancer free

    Weeks go by with anticipation
    Out of ICU walking eating
    I just want to take him home with me!

    Finally the day comes released to go home
    Excited, relieved
    You are a machine you have really shown.

    Months of healing still ahead
    Hurt, healing
    Many tears have been shed.

    I had to be strong - be there for him
    Help his mom and my family
    It was hard but for him I would do it all again

    Dialysis was so tough for him every week
    Kidneys start working
    So he can feel normal and begin to eat.

    That soon was done and past
    Mario you are doing so great
    Healing and progressing so fast.

    Days would get tough, with loss of hope and care
    I would be crying deep inside for you
    Yet, with you I would never share.

    I want to you strong, healthy and happy
    I want you to feel better
    And know you are such a huge part of me.

    When youre weak and start to cry
    It hurts me so bad
    It feels inside like I could die.

    You are my life, my soul my everything
    If I could make it go away
    For you I would do anything.

    Months ahead of radiation
    Once your done
    We will go on a vacation.

    You stayed so strong,
    One year has passed
    But it feels sooo long.

    You are done with radiation
    Were so happy that now youre done
    Smile, live, laugh time for some fun.

    Then one morning you awake
    With no strength
    You go and wash your face

    Bells Palsy struck you
    I cry at night why Mario
    What did he do?
    Lord God please no more after all weve been through.

    So many nights to sleep I cry
    I love him so much,
    He is my life for him I would die!

    Please Lord God touch him and heal
    No more cancer
    No more hurt and pain to feel.

    I hide my hurt, worries and fears
    I know Ill live a long life
    With Mario for many many years

    If only he knew the love I had
    Maybe he would see my heart
    And know I will be here forever as I was from the start.

    Ill keep my tears hidden in my pillow,
    Worries in my head
    Questions in heart I just pray lord help get through to tomorrow!

    Months have passed since the radiation complete
    the doctor says
    Mario, I really feel cancer you have beat!

    We will watch and monitor you,
    see you in July
    and see whether the mass is gone or grew.

    Thank you Lord God for your mercy and love
    for healing my husband,
    continue to heal him and watch over him from above!

    A recent catscan reveals more mass within - a biopsy they did to see what in the world it is.

    Results have returned, still seminoma remains... we will press on and fight this disease. I really thought we were done, I thought I was sure. LORD GOD - please provide the CURE!

    Two rounds of chemotherapy done,

    its been rough and the hospital stays are no fun.

    A catscan has been done to check the progress of the mass,

    to make sure chemo is working

    so more chemo, will be the last.

    The results are in from the scan

    Mario had a dream that beating cancer he can!

    The scan reveals the mass of the lung is gone!

    And the others are so small

    Mario will be cancer-free soon, it wont be long!!

    God is so faithful, God is so true

    His unfailing love

    Helps us get through

    Chemo is finished he is done,

    Chemicals making you sick

    The three months have been no fun.

    Tomorrow I pick you up for good

    Bringing you home

    Resting, sleeping where you should.

    Your strength amazes me

    Im so proud to be your wife,

    And I love you unconditionally

    A little set back we face

    blood levels high

    I take the dreaded drive to that place.

    The doctors say you shouldnt be talking,

    levels this high

    you definitely shouldnt be walking.

    You are the "Miracle Man" of City of Hope,

    Its simply God, his simple miracles

    And love ~ with that we cope.

    The numbers are going down as they should,

    God saved your kidneys,

    Your life and we knew he would!

    Your hospital stay feels so long,

    Each day you get better

    So you can come home and these days be gone.

    Bringing you home

    Healthier than just a week before

    I just pray please God no more.

    A month passes and a catscan is done

    Knots in our stomachs

    The waiting game is no fun.

    An appointment with the doctor,

    They say most is gone

    But a small mass does remain,

    Probably scarring, and your done.

    Not the news you wanted to hear,

    Disappointment in your eyes

    And I too can see & feel your fear.

    Next step a P.E.T

    This will show if the cells are alive,

    Or if your cancer-free.

    The day arrives you go in for the P.E.T

    Another waiting game

    We wait so patiently.

    Stressed, nervous and anxious

    We wait to hear

    Have our prayers been answered?

    Or news that we fear?

    The Wednesday is here

    For us to find out

    The news everyone is dying to hear about!

    Working Im dying to hear..

    The hours seem so long

    I sit & wonder is he ok? Is it gone?

    I get the call from you

    And you start to speak,

    My heart beating soo fast..

    Time feels like slow motion waiting for the news at last.

    Then you say The scan shows negative, the cells are dead.

    I am speechless, I giggle then I cry!

    P.E.T. shows you are CANCER FREE at LAST!!

    I always knew this day would come,

    But I also had my fear,

    Fear of loosing you to this horrid disease

    And not getting to have you for all eternity!

    Here you are 6 years have past,

    Fighting this cancer-battle,

    My warrior, my fighter you got through it

    And here is the end at last!

    Take a deep breath and let all the fear go,

    No more cancer, move forward with life

    Our two beautiful girls, and I as your wife!

    Thank you heavenly father for your mercy and love,

    Thank you for being so faithful

    And always holding onto Mario from above.

    Mario is a miracle of our Lord and Savior

    Words can never express

    Our amazement at this cancer CURE!

    Our prayers never went unheard, and the promises ring true

    God loves unconditionally,

    His love, mercy and faithfulness always comes through!

    And the prayers of the faith shall save the sick. James 5:15

  • #2
    Quite a journey, quite a battle, quite a tribute, quite a love story. Thanks for sharing. Dianne
    Spouse: I/O 8/80; embryonal, seminoma, teratoma; RPLND 9/80 - no reoccurrence - HRT 8/80; bladder cancer 11/97; reoccurrence: 4X
    Son: I/O 11/04; embryonal, teratoma; VI; 3XBEP; relapse 5/08; RPLND 6/18/08 - path: mature teratoma


    • #3
      Congratulations to you and Mario for living strong through all you've been through together. May you have many happy years ahead!
      right inguinal orchiectomy 6/5/2003 > nonseminoma, stage I > surveillance > L-RPLND 6/24/2005 for recurrence, suspected teratoma but found seminoma, stage II > chylous ascites until 9/2005 > surveillance and "all clear" since

      Your donation funds Livestrong services for people facing cancer now. Please sponsor my ride!


      • #4
        What a long row you had to hoe. Thank you for sharing your story. To see others celebrate victory gives hope to those in treatment.
        Son Jason diagnosed 4/30/04, stage III. Right I/O 4/30/04. Graduated College 5/13/04. 4XEP 6/7/04 - 8/13/04. Full open RPLND 10/13/04. All Clear since.

        Treated by Dr. Rakowski of Midland Park, NJ. Visited Sloan Kettering for protocol advice. RPLND done at Sloan Kettering.


        • #5
          live each day as there is no tomorrow!! my blessings of a continued cure and long life togethor. Thanks
          diagnosed 01/15/2005 bi-lateral seminoma stage IIa,4cm lymph node, right I/O & partial left I/O mar/2005, 18 days of radiation, remaining left I/O- aug/2005, surveillance, Wife did IVF oct/2005, DAD OF BABY GIRL born 08-02-2006!!! testosterone implants May 2008


          • #6
            That was extremely beautiful and it touched me deeply.
            Thank you.

            You're are an amazing woman with a wonderful family and husband.
            Wife of Kevin Murphy
            Diagnosed 7/16/04 100% Choriocarcinoma
            Oriechtomy 7/20/04
            4xBEP 8/04-11/04 BHCG:1200 (lung only)
            Rediagnosed 12/27/04 BHCG: 50
            1xVIP 1/05 (lung)
            HDC/Stem cell Indiana 2/05-4/05 BHCG: 51-4.5 (lung)
            HDC failure 5/05
            3xGemzar/Taxol 6/05-9/05 (lung only)
            VP-16 w/Avastin 9/05-1/06 (lung only)
            Cyberknife 5" lung tumor 2/06
            cyberknife 6 brain tumors 3/06
            1xOxaliplatnin 3/06 (liver, lungs, kidneys, left hip)
            Passed away 4/13/2006


            • #7
              Wow, that really got to many of the same feelings for my son at the time...but you had a longer road to happy things are looking up..thanks for sharing...Mary Ellen


              • #8
                I think your verse should be published somewhere for all to see(and feel)!!! Your story and successful struggle is truly an inspiration to anyone that reads it.. The end of the story should say " and they lived happily ever after" Take Care!!!!!! DON
                Moffitt Cancer Institute
                CANCER SUCKS
                Diagnosed/Left I/O 9/18/2004--Non-Seminoma/Stage IIIC--3X B.E.P chemo--3X T.I.P. Salvage chemo---Abdominal Tumor@ 34cmX 24.5cmX 17.5cm---4/19/2005 --RPLND/Left Kidney,8 1/2lb Abdominal tumor,42 nodes removed---7/16/2005 Remission/Surveillance---Severe Peripheral Neuropathy--


                • #9
                  That was a great story. You should get that put somewhere so everyone can read it.
                  Right I/O 2/14/06, 3XBEP started 4/3/06 ended 5/29. clear as of 6/12/06. and still clear as of 12/16/2010