Husband denies possible problem

[Pattyswind]

Hello,
My husband was diagnosed with stage I Seminoma in Sep of 2004. He had left orchiectomy. The cord was clean. He had 20 rounds of radiation. He has NEVER gone for follow up blood work and he has only had one chest xray. No CT scans. The whole experience for him was extremely overwhelming and very personally invasive as he is a VERY private person. He won't go for follow up blood work because he passes out when he gives blood. Recently he informed me that there is "something" on his remaining testicle. I felt it and there is something there. I can move it around. It's not really round like a pea or a marble. Doesn't seem to be hard either. My husband will not go to the doctor. Says he can't go through all of this again and doesn't wish to be totally neutered.It was to much for him. He's choosing to ignore this possible problem. He's says If I die then I die. Personally, I can't handle this again either. I stood by him because I love him but he has a problem with depression and to go through all of this again would be a total nightmare. Does anyone have any suggestions, possitive thoughts or just anything that they can say to my husband to ease his mind? Thanks so much,

Patty

[Scott]

It's much more likely to be something other than cancer. He should have it checked out so that you can both rest easier.

[Scott]

Oh, and your husband should know that he's not alone. There are thousands of us out here who know some of what he's been through physically and mentally.

[dadmo]

Patty:
Any chance you could get your husband to read some of the information available of this forum? Knowing your not alone is a powerfully positive thing. Were also here to support you Patty. The road is tough for us co-survivors as well.

[TimsWife]

Hi -

I totally understand what you are going through. When my husband initally came to be and showed me that one of his testicles was swollen it was ten-thirty at night. I begged, pleaded, threatened and bargained for him to go to the emergency room. My husband is also private- hence the reason I am the "poster" on this website. Well his was Stage 1 Seminoma and I can honestly say it WAS tramatic for him. I totally understand what you are going through, having been down the road once, I can not imagaine what I would have to do to ask him to look at going down that road again. At this point since, we are only 2 1/2 months into it and have just finished his treatment we have not encountered what you have, but I can imagine. Here is some advice I can offer because this is what I do- I make all of his appointments- everything from coordinating the blood tests to scheduling his appoointments around his work schedule (even rescheduling the ones the doctor's made if they are during his work hours and I go with him so I can help him stay on top of everything.) To this day, my husband has not really read anything on TC and leans on me to do all of his research, all of his worrying and all of his perscription filling, etc... But in the end I know he is getting the treatment he needs.

I do agree with Scott, it sounds okay, not like a recoccurance of TC. My husband had a Epididymal Cyst after he had had the surgery and his first round of 2 of Carboplatin. I again had to call the doctors, beg him to go, and I went with him to get the ultrasound (he insisted I be in there with him) and had to tell the Urologist to look at it after the ultrasound confirmed that it was a totally benign cyst. (Tim was not offering to have him look at it.)

I understand what you are going through. Do everything you can to make sure he sees a doctor and even make him an appointment- they WILL do an ultrasound and you may be able to call your oncologist or Urologist and they may just order one - that is what we did and then see the doctor afterwards- this also may eliminate a visit.

I hope this helps. I really do understand. Good Luck!

Kelly- Timswife

[BeachTech]

....he has a problem with depression and to go through all of this again would be a total nightmare. ...
Patty

When I was first diagnosed, I did not know anyone personally that had gone through cancer and treatment. I felt alone and scared. One quarter way through the treatment, I was asked to be in a cancer survivor fashion show. Fashion shows are really not my thing, but I went to the first pre-show meeting and met a bunch of cancer survivors. That helped me SO MUCH. Just knowing that you are not alone.

This was last August, the show was October, and a few of us get together monthly for a BBQ. We also talk on the phone often. Most of these people are not testicular cancer survivors, but all had to deal with the effects of treatment (hair loss, nausea, being scared, etc.) My wife has been very, very helpful, but talking to other survivors helps so much because they have been through the same hell you have been through. We often laugh about the whole situation now.

Also, there may be a biological reason for post treatment depression. He should have his testosterone checked. Although I don't think your husband will do this, psychologists, physiatrists, and some anti-depression medication can also help him get back in it mentally. Regarding anti-depressant medications?yes, if not closely monitored, it can have some side effects, but untreated depression is usually more dangerous than those side effects.

You are in a tough situation. Your husband is depressed so he won?t go to the doctor, but the only way he can treat his depression is going to the doctor. Keep trying.
________
brunette girl Cams

[Pattyswind]

Thanks to all of you. I mentioned making an appointment for my husband and he told me I can make all the appointments I want, he's not going to any of them. If he thinks there is even a chance that blood will be drawn he freaks out and gets really nasty with me. He takes all of his fear and frustration out on me. I can only handle so much. I handled every single detail of his entire illness. Made all appointments, dealt with insurance, he did nothing because he just couldn't handle it. I went to every treatment and even stayed in the radiation room until the moment they gave him his treatment. I have a very low tolerance for handling stress. I have anxiety/panic disorder that I take xanax for. Can someone that has had stage 1 seminoma tell me what their follow up protocol is following radiation. Thanks.
This is a wonderful board.

Patty

[dadmo]

Patty:
A link with follow-up information is attached. Follow up

[Don]

Patty,
Im really sorry you have to deal with the possibility of you husband having cancer again. I would have to say that having blood drawn every week was one of the protocols that we all disliked. Here we go again with the first year nurses assistant TRYING to find the vein (Opps thats not it, how about this etc,)( luckily my arms have been pricked a few 1000 times then most ) after the 4-7th shot they get it. As much as these appointments suck it's also something to look forward to because,as you well know, it is the answer to all our questions. Are we OK? Do we need more treatment? Is the treatment working ?ETC. If you husband is really that scared of needles(as many are,He's not alone) there is a cream a doctor can prescribe called Litoderm or Litocain. It is a cream used for people with Shingles, Burns and other skin disorders even surgical incision sites. All he has to do is tell the doctor of his fair of needles and they will usually prescibe it. After the cream is applied to the skin it Numbs several layers of skin to the piont it is numb. If he applied this cream 1/2 hour before going to the doctor HE WILL FEEL NOTHING. We all hated going through all the things that we had to endure ,both mentally and physically, from this disease. It just something we HAVE to do to have a chance to live. The brutally honest truth of it all is that We are no good to anyone or anything if were dead, Fight for ever last breathe you can get.... IF by some chance he is diagnosed with a reoccurence he can have a port installed so he will never be stuck again. all bloodwork and medication can be drawn and administered though the port.....

I,ll be the bad guy and say it instead of dancing around it.. TIME TO MAN UP AND DO WHAY NEEDS TO BE DONE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR LOVED ONES... BE A MAN AND PICK UP THE PHONE AND MAKE THE APPIONTMENT TO GET CHECKED OUT!!!!!! YOU HAVE ALREADY BEATEN THIS DISEASE..... IF YOU HAVE TO FIGHT IT AGAIN ,YOU KNOW YOUR ENEMY... YOU WILL DEFEAT IT AGAIN IF NEEDED... IF it is cancer you have 2 choices ...Fight for your life or..... well you can figure out the other option....
I truely hope he will read thru these post and change his mind!!!! Sorry to be so blunt!!!!! I wish you both all the best of luck!!!!! DON

[Karen]

Can someone that has had stage 1 seminoma tell me what their follow up protocol is following radiation.

Patty

Patty,
My husband had stage 1 seminoma, went for 15 days of RT for a total of 25Gy. His follow up for the first 4 years will be a physical and bloodwork every three months, with a CAT every 6 months and chest X-ray every year. Don't recall the schedule after that but since his first follow up was last month I can wait for the year 5-10 and 10-life schedule. He hates needles too and on his first stick I though he was going to hit the floor...but he didn't, and he dealt with it, and now it's nothing at all for him to get a needle.
I would love to say it's all OK and ease his mind, but with no follow ups and a new bump he needs to get it checked. I'm concerned with easing your mind.You have been very good and patient and supportive of him, and I firmly agree with Don that he needs to get a grip on this needle thing and face up to what he needs to do for himself as well as his responsibility to you. Also remember that you can only do so much. You can't drag him to the doctor. He's an adult, and ultimatley he is one responsible for his follow up or lack thereof and the consequences of his own actions. He needs to think long and hard about the path he will go on if it is something. Do not put this all on your shoulders. Can you call his oncologist, explain the needle thing and get him to prescribe xanax for your husband before his appointment? Xanax is ofter prescribed before a surgery to calm the patient. My guess is it would do the trick for the needle anxiety. Take care Patty!

[Don]

Has he gone to the Doctor Yet?????????

[DJT]

A positive thought

Hey Patti,

Your husband's tumour and timing sounds a bit like mine. It was very hard on my wife, as she is a 'worrier' by nature. BUT, we made it through just like you have done! Congratulations, and how much you must care to come to this site and post your message.

One of the things I had going for me was, at the time, I was working as a stress management trainer. Handy huh...

Anyway, I don't do that any more, but if it's allowed, I'd like to recommend a new book the company put out. Its part of a 'transforming' series of short books and all are based on science, not theory. It's called Transforming Anxiety, and is about $13 from their web site: http://www.heartmathstore.com/cgi-bi...155&type=store

The first 2 were Transforming Stress and Transforming Anger. All good titles in hindsight looking back at my cancer journey. (and these 3 are all nice and short)

The HeartMath folks are good people and are ultimately owned by a non profit independent research org. Any of their books or learning systems will teach you a number of quick, simple techniques for managing this situation. And,,, if your husband sees you getting a benefit, he may look over your shoulder and learn too.

Good on you Patty. You must take care of yourself. What would we (sometimes) silly, frightened men do with out you?