Have been cleared from chemo for 2 months!!!And now?!

[Mustaine]

Hi, im new at the foruns...im Marcelo from Portugal, im 18 years old and ive been through testical cancer since february this year.
Well, it was hard for me i must say. I Lost my left testicol, its not a hard thing to say but the chemo...i was in hell for the first time and ive been through that for 8 times. I was stressed that i needed to take some pills (tranxene) to relax a little. The nauseas were so hard so overcome, i lost all my hair, my skin was brighter than normal.
In the middle of the treatment, my father and i took a walk on the city...but inside the car because i was so embarased i couldnt been seen by anyone.
Inside the car, i looked outside of the window and i cried ... all the things i would like to do were to far from me...i had no hair, my moral was very low... i felt like a nobody.
I was nothing, nothing at all...
That`s the point...Its hard to talk about cancer with my friends, they dont understand...they think this is easy! But you know that is not...
I am very sedentary, im always at home...i dont drink, i dont smoke, i have no girlfriend simply because i dont walk outside...i hate discos and house music...Well and i dont have any base of friends on female. Only men.
And then, to complete my frustration...im too shy.
After the disease, i have to surpasse this too...I dont want to think that my life sucks because its not true, but im a little sick of it!
Im lucky...but not enough!

Thank you!

[Scott]

Welcome to the forums, Mustaine. I'm glad you found us. Becoming a cancer survivor is a life-changing experience. Are there survivor support groups near you?

[Mustaine]

No...Just like i said before, i think im alone ...even my cousin that is passing through a cancer for 3 years doesnt like to talk this. So i respect that...
Im the second example of cancer in my family (my cousin is the first)...
I thank you for your support...

[QuantumSheep]

Hi Mustaine and welcome!

I hope you realize that now that you've discovered this forum, you won't be alone again. But I second what Scott suggested; I am sure you could find a local support group somewhere in your area, you'd be surprised at how many of them exist!

I'm sorry your treatment has been so difficult for you. So much of this battle takes place in your thoughts ... I know how overwhelmed you feel but whenever possible, try to reach for thoughts that make you feel better, if only a little bit. Being angry is better than being in despair, and being overwhelmed is better than being angry, and so on ...

Have you ever tried to meditate? It sounds like your thoughts are truly overwhelming you and leading you into depression. Start here for a few tips about how to meditate; I promise it will start to make you feel a bit better: http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mind...Meditation.htm

I want to tell you that there's a different way to look at what you're going through. You mention being shy, and that your morale is low, and that you feel self-conscious about your hair and your skin after the treatment ... but just remember -- you've been to hell and you made it back -- you are an amazing, strong, powerful Superman! Those other people who don't understand your cancer will never know what you've been through -- but you know it and you're here to talk about it -- you should feel very proud of yourself and know that you are an amazing person for being so strong. And just remember -- being a survivor is sexy and all the girls are going to notice THAT about you ...

And most importantly, the guys (and gals) on this forum are amazing -- don't hesitate to come here when something's bothering you, they'll make you feel better right away!

[dadmo]

Mustaine:
Life altering is the only way to describe cancer survivorship. The pre-cancer Marcelo is gone forever but a new Marcelo is on his way. Marcelo the fighter, Marcelo the survivor, the Marcelo who has proven that he, above all his friends, can walk in the fire and survive. Don’t despair about the old Marcelo, take this time to decide what you want the new Marcelo to be. Think of yourself as the caterpillar in a cocoon just waiting to emerge as a butterfly.

[Mustaine]

Thank you!
I dont think i m getting depressive...but i thank you anyway!
I just dont get it you know!
Im cute and its very difficult to me to stay in touch with girls...see, the dialog between my male friends with female, for me, its absolutly basic...and "previsivel".
I can`T be that basic, or i just dont know how to deal with them...and then that appears i have another problem. When im talking with them, someone or something stays between us and we stop talking (we just talk for 10 minutes). How can i show them that im a good person if the circunstances dont give me a chance?
Well, maybe is just the destiny...maybe i have only to respect the natural laws!
Look, even in music im different...i listen to Megadeth, alice in chains a few jazz and classic music (im a guitar apprentice on a classic music school here).
Even guitar players have their problems with that :P

[Mom]

Marcelo, there are two things a girl likes to do: TALK and DANCE. If you can master those two things you will have them eating out of your hands! If you don't want to talk, listen to them talk. If you don't know how to dance, take a lesson or listen to music and catch a beat and move! You have to go where they are, maybe school or work. How are your buddies making out with the women? Girls know other girls who want to meet a guy. I met my husband on a blind date. Another thing a girl likes in a man is CONFIDENCE. If you are confident in yourself it gives them the impression that you can handle anything. Based on what you have gone through, you can handle anything because you have faced an ugly monster and survived. Even though we are dealing in the age of independent women and men can show their senstive side, they still like the feeling that the guy is a wee bit stronger. This is the advice of an old lady, I don't think we (women) have changed over the years, but I hope other females will jump in here. Good luck, you are young and have a wonderful life ahead of you. Dianne

[Mustaine]

I hope so miss...
I just can`t dance...i think its...jesus! Too weird! Oh God!
Talk? What do u mean talk? Here in my city i only get in women that are stupid all the time!
Just like i said before, they have a basic talk...
And then, how can i talk about this problem that ive been through? They dont understand nothing at all...many of them dont even know cancer or chemotherapy...
Well, i can`t talk too much...im always at home, not 24/7 but i live far from the center (discos, bars...night u know), i dont have car... most of my friends dont like to go to the discos, and the ones who go are only expecting to be drunk or something like saying **** i can`t tolerate. I just don`t drink. I don`t smoke. Im a geek:P
How can a guy like me meet some inteligent girl?
Maybe never...even if a talk about the cancer experience, they dont understand **** of this!
Sorry, but that pisses me off !
Sometimes, i feel like im the only here that got no life experience.
I never kissed a girl...and i feel sad about that. Im very anxious and shy to even get a kiss from a drunk girl.
Sometimes i want to be hugged, but then...i feel insecure. Many of my friends are no virgin anymore... and im still a none experience guy.
I have tried many times to meet girls and talk to them, but my mouth only said ****...and many times they already got their boyfriends.
And then, this cancer experience...i don`t think im stronger. I feel no change.
Maybe more confident but so what? The circunstances are the same...


PS: Alice in chains came here to give a concert in May, i couldnt go because i was in treatment - i was weak and powerless, however it was hot that day -
I listen to them for 5 years, a friend of mine went to the concert and he only listen for 5 months.
Sometimes he says "ahah, i saw alice in chains, did u see them?"
Its hilarious because, i love that guy and he`s buying me a travel to see iron maiden in Barcelona with him...but...

Listen that from a friend...that was like a knife in my heart.








Sometimes, that appears that im talking with people that are stupid...
Im sorry.

[Karen]

Marcelo,
Personally, I never liked dancing, but I like helping people and find that volunteering is a good way to meet people with good hearts that aren't self-absorbed. If you approach the women you meet thinking they are all stupid you're going to have trouble. Perhaps you should take a class at a university on something you're interested and that will provide topics for discussion.

[QuantumSheep]

Hi again Marcelo,

I agree with Karen, volunteering is a fantastic idea, as is taking a class in something that you're interested in.

I also agree with her that such a negative view of the women in your city or area isn't going to help. I know that you're very angry about your situation but try not to push that anger on to other people. You say that the people you talk to don't know anything about cancer or chemotherapy, but I bet they would be willing to learn. After all, I didn't know anything about it until it affected me directly!

I wanted to take a second to point out that you should also be very proud that you don't smoke or drink. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but the people who only want to get drunk every night aren't really the kind of people you want to spend time with!

You say that you feel like you have no life experience, but look at all you've been through! (I know, not the kind of experience you were hoping for! ) ... but seriously, that kind of experience DOES make you a strong and very interesting person and people are going to want to know more about you. Maybe you'll meet a cute girl at the Iron Maiden concert in Barcelona ... Wear a T-shirt that says "You think you're tough? I beat cancer!" It might seem strange to joke about it, but when you can joke about it, it can no longer affect you the way it has.

Listen, happiness isn't something you wait for, it's something you create -- and then everything you want will come to you. So many people say, "I'll be happy when I find a girlfriend" or "I'll be happy when I get a new car" or "I'll be happy when I'm done with my treatment." Unfortunately that's completely backwards. The key to life is this: Be happy NOW, right NOW, and you will find that everything you wanted will start flowing into your life. Don't wait for happiness, create it. I guarantee it works.

[Scott]

I love you guys!

[dadmo]

If you're going to meet girls maybe you want to try a new outfit, something like this might get a conversation started or if you're shy you can try this one. Check the web for cancer clothes and you might have some fun getting a conversation started. The shirt I was looking for but couldn't find said "I did drugs even Keith Richards never heard of". Use this to your advantage and remember "chicks dig scars"

[Scott]

...and then Dadmo had to push it right over the edge with the thong thing. Yikes.

[dadmo]

Nancy would kill me if she saw that post.

[QuantumSheep]

OK, Now I love you guys!