What can I do?

[warev]

My husband was diagnosed w/tc roughly 3mo ago. He had his left testicule removed and just went in for his 3mo ct scan/blood work. The doc. told him he's got a 1-3% chance of re-occurance but of course he's still extremely nervous, as he should be. We are now waiting for the results and it's very hard to comfort him. He feels as though he has to go at this alone and I don't want him to feel that way. Is this normal? What can I do to help him?
Thank you, in advance, for any help.

Kristi

[Scott]

Welcome, Kristi. What was your husband's pathology, and did he have any other treatment besides the orchiectomy?

[warev]

Scott, please forgive me for spelling errors but he had embryonic carcinoma
tematoma. the doc. said that they caught it in the early stages. It was about 1/16th of an inch. and had not gotten to the spermatic cord. the doc. said that this kind of cancer would not respond to radiation and that if it came back he'd have to have the limph nodes behind his stomach removed (don't remember the name of the surgery). We will be getting the results of the ct scan on friday. Every little sickness scares him (colds, sinus infections, etc.) and he can't stop thinking that the cancer has returned. I try to have him think positively but I don't want him not to be "aware" of his body either. Thank you for listening.

Kristi

[Scott]

It sounds as though surveillance is a good choice. I hope he's getting blood tests and chest x-rays more frequently.

[Scott]

He feels as though he has to go at this alone and I don't want him to feel that way. Is this normal? What can I do to help him?

Different people respond to the cancer experience in different ways, but no one should feel compelled to deal with it alone!

[warev]

thank you!

[dadmo]

With the diagnosis being so recent it's normal for your husband to associate everything with cancer, that will fade with time. If his blood work is normal and they don't see any spread in the scans your husband should be a great candidate for surveillance. Just to increase your knowledge base your husband has non-seminoma which if needed would be treated with chemo.

[huckchef]

Kristi,
Like dadmo said it will fade with time(the anxiety). I haven't gotten over it completely yet and may never but it has gotting alot better. One thing to always look positive at is that it is very curable even if it comes back and that's a small chance. Hang in there!
My thoughts and prayers,
Brian

[Heidi]

Hi Kristi,
thought you might like some feedback from another woman who's also been trying to support a husband who "goes it alone". What I've found is that eventually he will break down his defense and talk to me, then he feels so much better (me too!), that makes it even easier for him the next time (which hopefully isn't so far away) when he feels the need to talk about all of this. He had surgery in August, radiation ended 4 weeks ago, and I know he is worried every day about it coming back. So I guess that feeling is pretty normal. Just hang in there with him, which I know you are doing already, be there for him when he finally does come to you (my guess is that he will). I've found this forum to be so helpful to me, such great, kind people looking out for one another, just reading the posts has brought me so much insight, and calmed me down when I felt so alone in all of this. Oh, almost forgot, people keep telling me to take care of myself, you do the same for yourself, so that you can stay strong and healthy, and not let this get you down too much. bye for now, Heidi

[anon7799]

I know what you are going through

My husband's ca returned while under surveillance (with presentation in the lung). Honestly I can't give you the specifics of his tumour type but I can tell you that he underwent 4 rounds of BEP chemotherapy. Actually I have a lot of anger because his case was horribly mismanaged and a lot of what happened could have been prevented if only he had competent doctors. That's a whole other story though, and luckily we have a good oncologist now who we are happy with. Today we are 3 years post-chemo and more and more encouraged, waiting to hit the magical 5-year mark. Every blood test, every CT scan, every visit to the doctor is still an anxiety filled event. I doubt it will ever fully go away. Even if your partner is cured, I believe testicular cancer is something you deal with for the rest of your life. Our philosophy is to life every day to the fullest and have no regrets. You will manage to find a balance between worrying (some worry is normal and IMHO even healthy - makes you vigilant) and living carefree. Keep up the faith - the first year post-tx is the worst but it does get better as time goes on.

[dadmo]

anon:
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry your doctors mishandeled your husband case. Of course the good news is that it sounds like he's cured. Congratulations.

[tom c]

Hi kristi:
I also had my left boy removed, it's been 2 years and 2 months later and I still wonder if it is the cancer coming back every time I get a pain somewhere. I went for the rplnd surgery just to be on the safe side but don't know if that was the right thing too do,you have too listen to the doctors. All my lympe nodes were clear they removed 35 of them, I get pain under my arm pit sometimes .I feel lucky not needing any chemo after being diagnosed with embronial carcenoma , I was told it was the aggressive type and ther was vascular invasion, Some times my blood work hcg is high but they re do the blood work and then it's normal (false positive) you have to rember that this kind of cancer is 95 % curable and try to enjoy life as much as you can.

[Arwen]

Hi Kristi

Been there, got the tee-shirt etc. My hubby has always been worried about his health (he does have chronic asthma though).When TC was diagnosed he was impossible (understandably). There is NOTHING you can say or do do make it better, as a wife of a cancer survivor (I hate the word victim). It must be the worst thing in the world as you start thinking about your own mortality.

My hubby refused to read much about Tc-it made him worry more.So I did it for him. I read Lance Armstrong, trawled on net sites and didn't import my new found knowledge until it cropped up.He didnt need to hear it.He wanted to deal with it his own way, and listen when he was ready,as things cropped up, I said" well I read (wherever I read it) that blah blah happens, it gave him the info to go and see for himself, when he was ready.

I dont know your hubby, but mine had a really hard time dealing with it at the beginning, he is absolutely fine now last stages of chemo), what I said to him was "look I am here if you need me and you want to talk, Ill hold your hand if you don't want to talk, Ill piss of if you want to be on your own and I'll be in another room, but dont let me be your cat to kick if you get frustrated, I'll give you a pillow instead.

It's such an emotional bandwagon for everyone-I dunno how the guys with cancer feel and their wives/partners/kids/relatives feel, but I didnt want to break down with how worried I was in front of him.I felt that I should stay positive, and chivvy everyone else.I just felt he had enough to deal with with his own demons without dealing with his.

Good luck to your hubby hun...
Remember though-he may be dealing with it-but it's everyone's cancer.

[Scott]

I dunno how the guys with cancer feel and their wives/partners/kids/relatives feel, but I didnt want to break down with how worried I was in front of him.I felt that I should stay positive, and chivvy everyone else.I just felt he had enough to deal with with his own demons without dealing with his.

I don't recommend a breakdown, but I prefer knowing that my wife really cares and is concerned. Seeming too positive may give the impression that one doesn't recognize how life-changing a cancer diagnosis can be.

[DRCinNY]

Kristi,

I just came across this website, having had TC in 1996 at age 25, although I did have a stage I pure seminoma with RT after the RT orchiectomy. Even though I am 'cured' so many years later, I still go to the doctor anytime I feel something is wrong. I had found the small lump via self exam at age 25, yet I still have that 'what if' attitude, although Id say having had it it was a huge positive in the fact I do appreciate life more. But the first 6 months after was tough, the radation tired me out, i was on zofran after having spent the first few days with N/V. After all of that, I guess I felt lucky to have had somethign change my life as I was somewhat depressed for other reasons in my life, those reasons were put into perspective after having had cancer and to this day, I just think nothing can be that bad.

On a side note, I changed careers at age 34 to be a Radiation Therapist, so I do treat a few patients with TC along with my usual workload, I dont often tell those I treat that i had radiation, but here and there it does comfort some and I use it as needed if I feel it might help someone.

Support from my friends/family was huge, however, there were times I wanted to be alone but that just may be me.

good luck to you and hour husband, give him some time but let him know you are there for him, you might want to let him know of this website, I wish i had it back then.