In Regards to Boyce's Post, But a New Idea...

[Scott]

I think the most important implication of a thread like this one is that I find it reassuring that I am not alone. This has only happened one other time, actually during LIVESTRONG Day immediately before we were sent off to the Hill to do our work. The advocacy trainer instructed everyone who had beaten cancer twice to stand up. About a quarter of the people in the room stood up. Then she told people that have beaten cancer once to stand up along with everyone that had already risen. Almost everyone in the room stood up, myself included. Just looking around and being surrounded by all those survivors made me realize finally that I was not alone, and I have many fellow brethren in this journey. I can honestly say that I felt a sense of inner peace.

In those moments, I feel an uneasy mix of pride in the strength and passion of cancer survivors and "survivor's guilt" over how unfair it is that so many people are in situations more challenging than my own. I manage to rationalize away the second part, but I have to admit to it.

[TCLEFT]

In those moments, I feel an uneasy mix of pride in the strength and passion of cancer survivors and "survivor's guilt" over how unfair it is that so many people are in situations more challenging than my own. I manage to rationalize away the second part, but I have to admit to it.

"survivor's guilt" over how unfair it is that so many people are in situations more challenging than my own.

A Person should be judged on his actions, not by how healthy or sick he is. Please, never feel guilty Scott. We all deal with the hand we're dealt as best we can. And I for one, want you healthy and guiltless for a very long time. You're much too important to us all.
Mark

[TCLEFT]

Just to try and clarify my point (or perhaps confuse it even more). To Danny and Danny's brother and all of you touched or slammed by this monster, "I am sorry, my sincerest sympathy and empathy." I wish I could give you more. If any of us feel guilt because we're fairing better than some, I'd say change that emotion to one of empathy. If you have to feel guilt, feel guilty there isn't enough hours in the day to do all you can to rid everyone of this hardship. Better yet, just do what you can, no matter how great or small, just something. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, I just need to let this out. Take comfort in knowing you're not alone and take action (revenge) on why you're not. Just my two cents. Sorry if I've rambled.
Much Love,
Mark

[Fed]

In those moments, I feel an uneasy mix of pride in the strength and passion of cancer survivors and "survivor's guilt" over how unfair it is that so many people are in situations more challenging than my own. I manage to rationalize away the second part, but I have to admit to it.

Mark is dead-on, though, on channeling "survivor's guilt." I have certainly felt that the times that I have gone with my boss on rounds in the pediatric oncology ward at Children's Hospital. If anything, it gets me more riled up and gung-ho about making a difference on the "lab side" of things. That's my way of exacting revenge on the beast .

[dannysbrother]

Sharon: thanks for the post. I know what you mean.

I am so glad to hear about your son's scan result. May good news continue to come your way and a time of healing set in for both you and your son.

-M

[petep]

People react so many different ways...

I had people that were just social friends, drop everything and help my wife with dinners, watch kids, bring me funny baseball caps, call...

I had good friends, that became better and closer friends...my one good friend since 2nd grade called every week....he just called last week, and said Pete, I'm flying down to see you..I took 2 days off and we went out fishing both days, just like we did 20 years ago. He said when he was leaving, I just wanted to see you again, to make certain you were OK....pretty good friend I'd say.

I had one set of social friends that would stand 6 feet from the door if I answered it...they would not shake my hand...even awkward for me...It was like they were going to catch testicular cancer - even the wife (ha, ha)...you could see them running home and talking a hot 45 minute shower to wipe away the germs.

I had one couple we are friends with not call once or write or anything after we told them what was going on...saw them 2 weeks ago and the wife came over to me and said in the most sincere tone she could muster "Pete I just want you to know that we were thinking of you the whole way through..."...sure you were...

In the end, I decided that the postive things gained so far outweighed these negative things that I have no control over...that I would be positive, give them a big smile and just thank them for thinking of me. If there is one thing I have learned, is that life is finite...and I am not going to waste any energy on unnecessary negative time or worry about things I have no control over.

I was at a business meeting recently, and one very successful person in the group of 20 was asked how he was growing so fast...and he said "if my customers "promise" to let me bid on all the work I am capable of, I give them a 10% discount on all their purchases"...most everyone in the room chuckled...and finally one had the nerve to say what most were thinking..."what if they lie to you"....and quick as could be he said "if they lie to me that is their problem, not mine"....the room went silent and most realized there was a good lesson in that statement.

Heck, I've never met any of you on this board and I know I'd do anything for any of you and you'd probably do the same for me...Before this, I had no idea people were capable of such compassion - truly amazing. Just the opportunity to experience that sense and postive aspect of human behavior alone is worth 1,000 negative experiences with people that don't know how to act.


Pete

[dannysbrother]

1000?

Heck, I've never met any of you on this board and I know I'd do anything for any of you and you'd probably do the same for me...Before this, I had no idea people were capable of such compassion - truly amazing. Just the opportunity to experience that sense and postive aspect of human behavior alone is worth 1,000 negative experiences with people that don't know how to act.

I don't know pete... 1000 negative experiences??? Maybe it's worth 750 lousy experiences but you might be pushin' it a little. haha!

i agree.

-M

[Karen]

Heck, I've never met any of you on this board and I know I'd do anything for any of you and you'd probably do the same for me...Before this, I had no idea people were capable of such compassion - truly amazing.

Pete

I think we all need to consider the source of the comments and brush off the idiots...like in most aspects of life. It reminds me of friends who have had miscarrages...one in the 9th month...to have morons say "you can have another child" or "it's for the best, it was probably deformed". How people react in life altering situations is a true test of what they're made of. The one blessing with this bast@*d disease is that we have all come together, and maybe it has made us all a little nicer and more compassionate. And yes, I believe most of us here would do anything for each other.

uhh, ohh, dadmo....I feel another group hug coming on

[QuantumSheep]

I love you all.

[Karen]

Watch out Scott (QS)...I'm looking to give you a hug next Saturday at the Mets game!!

[jaybird]

People react so many different ways...

I had people that were just social friends, drop everything and help my wife with dinners, watch kids, bring me funny baseball caps, call...

I had good friends, that became better and closer friends...my one good friend since 2nd grade called every week....he just called last week, and said Pete, I'm flying down to see you..I took 2 days off and we went out fishing both days, just like we did 20 years ago. He said when he was leaving, I just wanted to see you again, to make certain you were OK....pretty good friend I'd say.

I had one set of social friends that would stand 6 feet from the door if I answered it...they would not shake my hand...even awkward for me...It was like they were going to catch testicular cancer - even the wife (ha, ha)...you could see them running home and talking a hot 45 minute shower to wipe away the germs.

I had one couple we are friends with not call once or write or anything after we told them what was going on...saw them 2 weeks ago and the wife came over to me and said in the most sincere tone she could muster "Pete I just want you to know that we were thinking of you the whole way through..."...sure you were...

In the end, I decided that the postive things gained so far outweighed these negative things that I have no control over...that I would be positive, give them a big smile and just thank them for thinking of me. If there is one thing I have learned, is that life is finite...and I am not going to waste any energy on unnecessary negative time or worry about things I have no control over.

I was at a business meeting recently, and one very successful person in the group of 20 was asked how he was growing so fast...and he said "if my customers "promise" to let me bid on all the work I am capable of, I give them a 10% discount on all their purchases"...most everyone in the room chuckled...and finally one had the nerve to say what most were thinking..."what if they lie to you"....and quick as could be he said "if they lie to me that is their problem, not mine"....the room went silent and most realized there was a good lesson in that statement.

Heck, I've never met any of you on this board and I know I'd do anything for any of you and you'd probably do the same for me...Before this, I had no idea people were capable of such compassion - truly amazing. Just the opportunity to experience that sense and postive aspect of human behavior alone is worth 1,000 negative experiences with people that don't know how to act.


Pete

Pete, your thread really made me remember two people that taught me about compassion.
My old baseball coach called me crying when I was first diagnosed and told me that if he could take the cancer out of me and put it in him he would. The thing is I could tell he really meant it.
The ‘best man’ in my wedding was great during my cancer. He took me to my I/O and made me laugh the entire time (wrote on my leg which ball to take out in front of a very pretty doctor). He was there in the recovery room when I came out of my RPLND. He helped me with my nuprigen shots. He peeled me off the ground from a bleo tox fever and rushed me to the emergency room.
I guess some people have the ability to deal with things like cancer, and some don't.

[Scott]

Mark is dead-on, though, on channeling "survivor's guilt." I have certainly felt that the times that I have gone with my boss on rounds in the pediatric oncology ward at Children's Hospital. If anything, it gets me more riled up and gung-ho about making a difference on the "lab side" of things. That's my way of exacting revenge on the beast .

We're on the same page, for sure.

[dadmo]

Part of my pain is that I still need to find an outlet which gives me the feeling that I’m actually physically hurting cancer. If I could just get my hands around its throat and choke it for a while I would feel better.

[TCLEFT]

feeling that I’m actually physically hurting cancer

Thing is Bill, Cancer is just a bunch of stupid cells that don't know enough to commit suicide. It's heartless and thoughtless. In that sense you can never hurt it. By just being you and doing what you're doing you strengthen those effected by this idiot beast. There is no way to hurt Cancer, and until the day we can say we're killed it once and for all, we'll have take solice in knowing we've tried to alleviate it's effects. I'm sure Jason knows how you feel and loves you all the more for it.

[dadmo]

If I could just take one of Fed's lab sample and burn it with acid I would feel better.