11 years out...

[anothernumber]

and lacking enthusiasm for much of anything. I don't know why I feel this way. I should be excited to be in remission all this time. Instead I'm just tired and apathetic. Where is all that survivor mentality that others have. How can I get re-energized?!! I've read a lot of "stuff" on the internet today about TC and recent studies of survivors. Who to believe? Please help...I just found this forum today.

[dadmo]

anothernumber:
How long have you been feeling this way? Have you had your testosterone levels checked? Low testosterone is a problem that is too often overlooked. You also need to remember that just because your a survivor it doesn't mean that the sun will shine and the birds sing. You have every right to have a bad day. Sometimes I think the people around survivors expect more joy and happiness then is possible.

[Scott]

Welcome, "anothernumber." I agree with dadmo's points. Have you had many opportunities to talk with other cancer survivors? I get energized from that.

[Eric]

anothernumber

What are your fears? Recent study is about people who was treated more than 20 years ago with diferent ways. If you go on the net you can find positive and negative story about TC survivors. I prefer to focus on the postives ones. A few months after chemo i was obsessed by all that could happen to me related to chemo. And i realised that i was destroying my life (my wife's life and daughter's life also) My onco told me that my chances to stay healthy are way higher than my chances to be sick again. Like everybody i have the chance to get a cancer. I try to reduce the chances today. Stay away from cigarettes and bad food. Try to do at least 30 minutes of good exercise everyday. I look at this forum and i see a lot of nice guys with positive attitude and i know that peoples here will be in the future study. And i really think that the results will be better.

[Margaret]

Another number...I am sorry that you feel so weighed down by these feelings. I agree first of all with Dadmo, you really do need to get your levels checked. Who knows, they could be much too low and with some simple medication, you could feel like yourself again.

When we were fighting the battle with my husband, I felt so motivated and determined. But when they put him on a surval. program I felt the adrenaline just pour out of my body. You would think I should have been happy, and I was happy, just lost. I did not know where to put my energy and I struggled to find my purpose again.

I found this forum, AFTER my husband and I really needed it....or so I thought. I wish I had been here during my darkest days when I so badly needed someone to talk to. But then I realized that I need this forum NOW more than I needed it then. I found a purpose again, people I could help, if only a little. I hope you will come back here, share your story with us, and your feelings. Help others that are filled with fear and anxiety about their situation. Get active with other survivors....we have a home for you here.

And 'here' you will never be just 'another number'.

Thinking of you....

Margaret

[anothernumber]

Hi Everyone,

I'm really sorry for the melodramatic entry I made into the forum last night. I re-read my post this morning and was instantly struck by how selfish it sounded (and was!). Please accept my humble and sincere apology for this. I have so many great blessings to be thankful for...beyond survival. I have a beautiful wife and son and a good career.

I do need to get in to see my doctor and look into this testosterone deficiency stuff. I have quietly wondered about this for several years now and have even mentioned my fatigue to my doctor; but I just haven't pushed the issue because they haven't seemed too concerned.

I admit...I did get caught up a little in the negative statistics I found yesterday. I'm mostly concerned about quality of life vs. the TC (or another cancer) presenting again. I just want to be happy and be excited to go to work and spend time with other people. I have been isolating myself quite a bit lately. I am glad that I'm not the only who is feeling this way and that you folks are here to talk. None of my friends or family understand. I think they believe life should be "just peachy" for a survivor.

And I'm sorry about the screen name; but as selfish as it sounds, it sometimes feels that way. I sometimes feel like my doc is indirectly gloating or bragging when I see him once a year. My understanding is that I am part of a smaller group that they were able to cure with RPLND without any follow up chemo. By all the accounts I read online yesterday, I have beaten quite a few odds. I give the glory to GOD for this miracle of modern medicine and my doc is quick to say things like "I don't mind sharing the credit with HIM (chuckle-chuckle)"...a direct quote!

Don't get me wrong, I am truly thankful for my doctor. I guess after being in remission for this long, I expected that everything would be "peachy" and that my yearly doctor visit was just a formality. Now I can see that I need to call him, set up an appointment, and get to the bottom of this. Thanks for letting me gripe.

-anothernumber

Diagnosed May '95/R-Orch/Mixed Tumor/9 weeks bleo et. all (don't remember)/recurrence 9 mos later/3 days salvage chemo--abruptly halted by older wiser doc/Radical RPLND Spring '96/30% chance of beating w-o follow up chemo/did just that to the GLORY OF GOD!/11 years out and fighting apathy and fatigue

Ok, I'll try to fix my signature format. I have forgotten a bunch of the details!

[dadmo]

anothernumber:
I second what Margaret said

And 'here' you will never be just 'another number'.

[Karen]

No apologies for venting your feelings. That's what we are here for, and what we all do. Low T is definately at the top of the list to check out. You are not a number and your future should not hinge on statistics. The healthiest person in the world can get hit by a bus and die and someone with a highly incureable disease can be the one cured (and ironically can be the one driving the bus ). You really can't worry about the "what ifs" you have no control over...and I know that's easier said than done when you 're in a rut.

[Jay68442]

The internet is great in a lot of ways but you are not the first person to be driven crazy by the vast amount of information that can be found on it. Negative statistics are just that, statistics. Numbers based on groups not individuals. You are an individual that has passed the 10 year mark and should feel good about it. If you are feeling a little low, do as the others said and seek help.

[Margaret]

The internet is great in a lot of ways but you are not the first person to be driven crazy by the vast amount of information that can be found on it. Negative statistics are just that, statistics. Numbers based on groups not individuals. You are an individual that has passed the 10 year mark and should feel good about it. If you are feeling a little low, do as the others said and seek help.

Jay is 100% correct, the internet can be a curse and a blessing. I was worn out looking at information and sooner or later you will read something that you don't want to read

You belong here, with others can do understand what you are going through. When I read your post 'selfish' was the LAST thing I thought you were, please don't be so hard on yourself.

I used to think that I needed to loose a testical before I had the right to post here...okay that was a bit extreme...but I did not have cancer...who am I to complain??? But these people here showed me that everyone close to someone with cancer shares in the burden and the joys and that I have the right to feel blue or anxious too. You have been through a scary process, one that many people can not relate to. You should be proud of yourself and allow your emotions to heal along with the rest of you.

M.

[Scott]

I predict that things have just taken a major turn for the better. Keep us posted!

[MRMRSU]

"Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling." - Margaret Lee Runbeck

Would love to know your name, so I don't have to refer to your screen name (as fitting as it may seem to all of us at some point in our lives!) We are fairly new to this site also, but already just in seeing those first three words in your thread - 11 YEARS OUT - you've already inspired the other survivors here. We should all be so lucky to one day be able to say the same. I hope that you will find the help you seek. At the end of the day, everyone here wants to be the same as you - HAPPY...sometimes it just means getting a little creative with even the most mundane, routine things in everyday life. Best of luck.

[anothernumber]

I must change my screen name! It just doesn't convey a healthy attitude. I will work on this tonight when I have a little more time and post my new screen name be fore my "head hits the pillow". I'm doing much better now. I was just having a rough night the other night. I do need to get help for the long haul, though. 11 years is something to cherish and I shouldn't be dragging people down...just the opposite. I'll be back later when I can talk more!

The Artist Formerly Known as "anothernumber"!

[Margaret]

I must change my screen name! It just doesn't convey a healthy attitude. I will work on this tonight when I have a little more time and post my new screen name be fore my "head hits the pillow". I'm doing much better now. I was just having a rough night the other night. I do need to get help for the long haul, though. 11 years is something to cherish and I shouldn't be dragging people down...just the opposite. I'll be back later when I can talk more!

The Artist Formerly Known as "anothernumber"!

I look forward to reading your new name!! Sounds like you are feeling better, but I really meant it when I said that people like you are needed here.

[TCLEFT]

Might I suggest "AnotherBrother"