Odd question from the wife

[cr102]

A few days ago my husband and I sex for the first time since his chemo finished. It's been more than six months since it was over, everything is good and clear with him.

He couldn't finish, so to speak, and seemed a little concerned about it, but not overly. Me, on the other hand... I am in a little bit of physical discomfort, and it's been a few days. It feels odd, like I am allergic to him or something. Is this in my head, or is it possible his chemistry changed? I know it's been a while since we had sex, but this is not something I've felt before... like a mild constant tingling, not soreness.

I'm afraid to bring this up to him because I don't want to stress him out anymore than he is about sex, but I haven't been able to find any forums for this kind of issue.

[Karen]

Welcome cr102. Not an odd question. I can't help you on this since my hubby did not have chemo...but if you were both stressed over having sex for the first time after chemo could both him not finishing and you not comfortable be from anxiety? Just a thought...but I'm sure others here can comment based upon experience.

[Margaret]

A few days ago my husband and I sex for the first time since his chemo finished. It's been more than six months since it was over, everything is good and clear with him.

He couldn't finish, so to speak, and seemed a little concerned about it, but not overly. Me, on the other hand... I am in a little bit of physical discomfort, and it's been a few days. It feels odd, like I am allergic to him or something. Is this in my head, or is it possible his chemistry changed? I know it's been a while since we had sex, but this is not something I've felt before... like a mild constant tingling, not soreness.

I'm afraid to bring this up to him because I don't want to stress him out anymore than he is about sex, but I haven't been able to find any forums for this kind of issue.

CR102...these are some great questions to ask...and they do not get brought up often although I am sure that most women here have had these concerns.

The first thing I will mention is that I put a brand new set of blue sheets on my bed and after my husband slept in the bed for a few nights (during and right after chemo) where he layed in the bed turned white. It was like his body (like sweat from his pores) was bleaching the color out. His fluid was (I will use this word because it is the only word I can think of) a bit toxic. It won't hurt you per se, but it is also normal for the make-up of his fluid to be some what changed for a bit.

They told us at the cancer center to use condoms during chemo and for at least 3 months post chemo. And I did not want my hair to start falling out !! So I would use a barrier protection to keep your sensitive areas from getting any discomfort.

As far as him 'not being able to finish'...I am sure it is a mix of physical and emotional. He has been through a huge physical battle. His body is worn out and his sex drive could be lower for a while. Also, he has been through so much mentally. Esp. when you consider the area that was effected by cancer. I know many men have come here worried about how this cancer will change their sex lives. So maybe that got into his head too.

Just take it one day at a time. Don't push yourselves back into your pre-cancer sex life too soon. Enjoy his company and allow him to enjoy yours. Use condoms for now and have some fun with no pressure on yourselves.

I hope this advice helps some, keep in mind, I am no expert.

Margaret

[Russell's Mom]

One thing came to mind for me. With all of the medications, he might have a small fungal infection that would be contagious to you. Like when someone takes anitibiotics. Something to consider?! I have not heard of other chemistry changes that would involve a partner. Another suggestion would be to call the oncology nurses that cared for your husband. They are well educated on chemo...it's risks and side effects. I am sure they would be very happy to talk with you over the phone. Get some peace of mind!!!! Good luck, Sharon

[Bagpipe]

I just asked my wife if anything strange happened in post chemo sex. She said that it was pretty much close to normal, but it was more of a struggle for me than before (everything). Over time things got better and better emotionally and physically and within 3 months - training wheels were off again. Chemo is tough and losing a testicle can be emotionally difficult as well - mainly confidence, etc. - at least with me. Hearing about your husband turning the blue sheets white brings back memories - I ruined close to 4 pillows with chemo crap coming out of my pores! ick!

Ladies, be patient and understanding - the magic will come back!

[cr102]

whew

I thank you all for your responses. It makes me feel more at ease. I wish I had known about this forum sooner. It's helpful to read a lot of these stories; it kind of takes the edge off of feeling overwhelmed. We have four kids under 10, so it feels like constant "putting on the face" for them. Even though the worst has passed, it often feels like the other shoe will drop at any moment. Though that feeling is less and less. It's great to feel a little normalcy returning!

[sldl1106]

Margaret, that was a great and helpful response. I wonder how many gynos are confronted with these questions and if they know what to advise. It affects every area of our lives; it seems like nothing escapes "the effects", at least for a little while.