How Cancer changed my life..

[frank1980]

Charlie, I have read your experience and, although seems that your impact with the cancer was rough as mine too, I'm glad to hear that you were not mistreated during your surgery time. Anyway, is not the first time that in the local hospital where I had the surgery things like these happen. I remember a dialog that I had with the "famous" urologist that I have mentioned in this forum, here there and everywhere, and it happened the evening before the surgery, here it is:

Me: "Doctor, I would like to ask you some things, but I need that you will sincerely answer to me, if is a serious problem, tell me without thinking twice because..."

(he didn't look at me and kept on writing his documents)

Me (continuing) "because I don't want to... to... hey but are you listening to me ????"

Urologist: "c'mon hurry up because I haven't finished this documentation..."

Me: "well, the first thing that I want to ask is if there is the risk that a tumor can spr..."

Urologist: "is not your case, what is your second question ???"

Me: "and I have some pains that I can't explain, at my penis area that sometim..."

Urologist: "you don't need to know the cause, you are ok, go on"

Me: "my other question is about the surgery, what you will do on me becaus..."

Urologist: "we will extract your ball and will cure you, now go away"

And similar things happened in the following first appointments, when I had to go there for the medications at the wound. I still remember (and I laugh bitterly at this) when I had the first post surgery diseases, and one day the urologist said: "how are you feeling ???? don't say to me that you are bad, you are good, very good and the problems are only in your brain, now come with me into the medication room so I will renew the medication". Irony of the case, when the medication was changed and renewed from the caregivers or other doctors, it worked perfectly; on the contrary, when was changed from him, detached itself and collapsed after some hours and I had to repeat it at home by myself.

Another fact that I would like to say is a thing that I have sadly noticed. Since I was diagnosed to have a cancer, there have been some persons that I considered as friends and that went away from my company without telling me anything. And I have understood how can the uman being be so cruel. In a short terms, they consider a person who has a cancer like someone to avoid in every way because "has cancer", or an inferior kind of person, a person that is not needed anymore. I'm seeing what a friend of mine (now I consider her as an ex friend of mine) has done after I was diagnosed, admitted and then ejected from the hospital. Only two or three phone calls (at deep night hours), she asked to me how I was, and when I started to tell her something about my health, she said "ooo Fra, sorry, wait a moment, my boyfriend is calling me" and left me in line for twenty minutes or half an hour, and started to talk with her boyfriend about photos on facebook, wedding plans, going out with friends on the weekends and so on. And only after she came back to talk with me. I haven't heard her for a month and I think she has disappeared completely. But I don't blame her and I hope all the health of the world for her. But, on the other hand, if she will come back one day because "I'm her best friend" and wants to vent her anger with me because someone told her that she is not cute or because her mother has not bought to her the new glamour dress that she saw in the shopping center, I won't answer anymore. I don't want to hear from her anymore. And another thing that I would like to say is how I have noticed that people, in some cases, can be so cruel. When I exited from the hospital and went back home (it was a very sunny day) I cried for all the time that I was into the bus, but, when I came back, all the people around me (family, neighbours and so on) started to say that I didn't have to cry, that everything had come to an end and (and this is the thing that made me very sad) I could have continued my life with one testicle remaining, that "it's normal", that I didn't have to feel different from the others (but always repeating the fact that I lost one ball...) And another thing, some evening after the surgery I went to take a pizza and to eat it at home. I was parking the car when a woman parked her car very close to mine so I couldn't exit from the parking. I asked her to move a little bit backwards so I could have exited, adding that I had to come home quickly because I was fresh operated from a cancer, and she answered "oooo you have a handicap, I didn't know, sorry!"

(sorry for this little personal moment )

Have a nice day!

[cbvance]

Wow

Frank it is amazing how cruelly you were treated. I am glad you found a glimmer of hope and decided not to "suicide". I am happy to have met you on this forum and I too feel as if we are a big family all trying to sort through this thing called cancer. My heart is broken at those who have fought hard and lost and my heart soars with those that have overcome this dread disease. I am thankful with all my heart that my type of cancer was slow to grow and easily killed with a light round of chemotherapy.

My story is not unlike yours except I never was mistreated. I noticed my right testicle to be hard and enlarged around Christmas and visited a doctor who gave me anti-biotics treating it as an infection. We did that for about a month and then I went to a Urologist who said to me "a hundred guys could come in here and I would tell 98 of them not to worry, you are one of the two I would say this is probably cancer. Get an Ultrasound and come see me in a week to ten days". Needless to say I immediately made an appointment that very afternoon for an ultrasound, I did not want to delay any longer. The radiologist came in after the u/s and said to me "you have a neoplasm and I am 98% certain it is malignant".

I moved the appointment with the Urologist to the next Monday and the surgery was done a few days later.

Through all of it this forum provided the comfort of knowledge and supporting voices. I am very thankful it is here.

[frank1980]

My friends, even if this thread is a little bit old, I have noticed it because it appeared on the "who's online" list and it was read by a guest, so I opened it and saw your experiences. And I have decided to write some words about my experience, if someone is interested in reading it...

Honestly, before the diagnosis, I was not a very active man in a social sense. I used to live my life in a main atmosphere of loneliness. Some friends known here and there on the internet to talk to, some hobbies and passions like the other persons, but nothing really "sparkling" in my life. I remember how I passed the last fall season (the autumn of 2011) always going every day to my second home to the seaside (a home that I use for summer vacations) arriving there at early morning and coming back to my main home at the evening, and spending the day alone or with a female friend of mine that gave me company. But honestly I liked to keep far from the city lights, traffic, pollution and so on...

In this atmosphere, starting from the months between October and November, I started to feel something wrong at my left testicle. I didn't know how to explain it, I felt it hardened, enlarged and sometimes with low pains. I tried everything to calm this pain but with no effects. After Christmas holidays, these pain became stronger and I started to feel strange. Always tired, with my eyes always reddish and tearful, and with this pain that didn't pass. My feeling was that something like an infection or an inflammation, and I remember that I asked to a friend of mine, while chatting, to look for the orchite and varicocele symptoms on the internet. She found them and explained them to me, so I was convinced that was one of the two and decided to go to the local hospital in order to be visited from an urologist. I didn't know that since then the doors of the hell would have opened for me!

On the night between the 17th and the 18th of February (I was visited on the 19th of February and diagnosed on the 20th ot the same month) while I was going to bed (it was deep night) suddenly something happened into my head. Like a flame that lit up for a moment and then fades out immediately: "And if this problem is related to a form of testicular cancer?" I didn't know anything about this kind of cancer, and the second thing that came into my mind was "Thanks to God, a testicle can be removed"... But the fear started to grow inside my soul. I went to the visit on the 19th of February (although it was Sunday, a very sunny Sunday) and he visited me. He was and still is a very unpolite and arrogant person, but I saw him turning white in face when doing me the ultrasounds. He said a lot of things in once, it was varicocele, but he wasn't sure, the tissues looked strange to him, and attacked me yelling to shut up when I asked to him if it was cancer. But he invited me for a second visit on the following Monday when I would have been visited from the primary unit doctor. I went there at 7.30 am, outside it was raining very hard, I entered into the hallway where there was a strong and nauseating smell of disinfecatant, and I started to feel sick. I was yelled to go down on the bed when the primary touched the testicles and said these words:

"Hurry up! Haven't you admitted him yet? This is a very urgent case! This is cancer! I bet all my career this is the most malignant form! Go take him blood tests of alfa feto protein and beta Hcg right now! He is at risk of losing his life! I'm sure that the marker levels will be sky high! It's too late! It's too late! I gamble all my career!". All of these words were said to the other urologists and not directly to me. I went into the other room to have my blood taken and I remember that I wasn't able even to tighten my hand. This was the moment when the whole world fell down on me. In fact, the caregiver who was taking the blood yelled at me that he was not interested if I had cancer or not and that I had to hurry up because he had a lot of work to do and couldn't waste his time with me. I exited from the hospital in a very rainy day (in fact I took a real shower but I didn't realize) and I wanted seriously to kill myself and to suicide. But I don't know what happened to me, after the first moments of feeling completely lost, and when I received the news that the marker results were good, a little hope lit up inside my head so I decided to try to find a way to fight this cancer. And, thanks to God, I'm still here and alive...

Now, of course, due to the whole follow up path that I have to do, I'm forced to go into the city, to meet people, and to dip inside all those things that I hated (pollution, traffic and so on). But I think that, to have my life saved and preserved as much as possible, I can do it without problems... And if unfortunately the cancer will be stronger than me and will beat all my defenses and what the doctors will do to keep me alive and safe and will lead me to death I'm not afraid of it. Like I said in the other thread, it will die with me... But I don't want to give up without fighting, this is for sure!

Sorry if I have annoyed you!

Frank

PS: I would like to add a thing to this speech, a very warm, friendly and sincere "thank you" to all the friends that are present and active in this forum. You can't imagine how it was and how it is helpful for me! I remember the first days after the surgery when I ended my period into the hospital and was allowed to go home I was totally in the dark because I didn't know anything about testicular cancer and didn't find any kind of answer from the urologists except "sorry, I'm busy", "you are cured, you don't have to do nothing else", "you are not allowed to know what is the cause of your pains" and so on... on the contrary, here on this forum I have found a very big family and I'm very pleased to offer my little contribution to help the people that, like me, are dealing with this disease and are fighting it, I do it with all my heart... And if I will complete my six or seven years of my follow up without having relapses or complication, if I will be declared cancer free in a far future, be sure that I won't leave this forum anymore and will always be here for everyone who wants to talk. This is what I wanted to say!

[MRMRSU]

Next week Andy returns to his oncologist for a checkup and blood work. Our first in a month and even though I know he's fine, there's a niggling sense of doubt. Does it ever go away?! I bet not, as I'm a mom!

Hi Andy's Mom: I too have a special Andy in my life...the ride has it's ups and downs, but the good news is we're all in this together. The knot in the stomach never goes away, at least for me as we're just over Andy's one-year mark. Glad to see that your young Andy is aware and active in spreading the word to his young friends. And I'm happy to hear he is well. We'll be with you in spirit next week for his tests. Much love!

[Scott]

Thank you for letting people like me tag along for this interesting ride.

You're more than tagging along. What happened to Andy happened, in a different way, to his family. Although you shouldn't have hadn't been forced to come along, you're more than welcome now that you're here.

[Scott]

I am having a fierce argument with this lousy energy that keep jumping on my back.

Slap that monkey off your back, and throw your bucket of water on the wicked witch that is cancer, Sharon.

[andy's mom]

When I log on and read these forums especially the quotes from Dadmo I think to myself that Andy is a member of a wonderful group of individuals! And, he hasn't experienced half of what most of the members here have. Two months ago yesterday our life was changed in the blink of an eye when the ER Dr. told us Andy had a tumor in his testacle. And it feels like it was years ago! Just yesterday Andy and I were talking about how his life changed and all he could say was it's hard to explain. At 17, he has a new-found respect for things he took for granted. He had me order more testicular cancer awareness stickers - this time for his lacrosse team's helmets. He's working on a fundraiser with his lacrosse coach for LiveStrong Day. I might be purchasing yellow lacrosse jerseys! Anyway, how cancer has changed my life...I've been introduced to an amazing group of individuals who have such compassion, strength, honesty, courage and humor even in their darkest hour. Thank you for letting people like me tag along for this interesting ride. I'm grateful. P.S. Next week Andy returns to his oncologist for a checkup and blood work. Our first in a month and even though I know he's fine, there's a niggling sense of doubt. Does it ever go away?! I bet not, as I'm a mom!

[Russell's Mom]

....I got right to the edge of tears today. Getting closer!!! There was a beautiful sky, full of stars last night. Filled with thoughts, Russell will have his chest film and tumor markers next week. I need not say more. At work, a couple who both work at the hospital...I spent time in the ER with them...their 23 year old daughter has been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. Even from the bottom of the abyss you can look up and see the stars. I am having a fierce argument with this lousy energy that keep jumping on my back. It is like one of the flying monkeys lands on my shoulders. So convincing.....such a bother. They seem to be flying everywhere. I know I can turn this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lovestrong, Sharon

[dadmo]

For those who don't follow basketball or know who Jimmy V is. Just look here . Laughter, thought, tears, what a wonderful day.

[Savin16]

That is BEAUTIFUL ! ! !

[dadmo]

Richard Paul Evans' stories almost always bring on a little eye mist, but I also make sure I laugh during the day. I guess the toughist of Jimmy V's goals for me is the thinking part

[MRMRSU]

Hope is a rare gift that, if we are lucky, comes to us with the power to heal our lives. I’ve come to know that the deepest sense of hope often springs from the hardest lessons in life. It is in the darkest skies that stars are best seen – perhaps it is divine irony that within the darkest moments we are capable of revealing the greatest light…

That is so beautiful...we should all be so lucky to have this kind of hope sing in our hearts. Honestly, Bill - that's just about one of the prettiest verses I've read. Thank you for sharing.

[dadmo]

Before my sons diagnosis these words would have been mere sentences, now they are guiding principles and beliefs in my life.

This from Jimmy V.
To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special.

This from Timepiece by Richard Paul Evans
(He may have written the words but they sing in my heart)
Hope is a rare gift that, if we are lucky, comes to us with the power to heal our lives. I’ve come to know that the deepest sense of hope often springs from the hardest lessons in life. It is in the darkest skies that stars are best seen – perhaps it is divine irony that within the darkest moments we are capable of revealing the greatest light…

[MRMRSU]

Still rough??? Whaddya mean? Sounds perfect.

[TCLEFT]

Still Rough

But seems to want to surface. Music's been there for a while.

A Renewed Spark/Out of the Cage

Here in the Darkness, there's a candle still burning bright.
Through all of life's harshness, I keep pushing with all my might.
Here in this cage I'm pacing, my plans erasing before my eyes
And all that I seem to do now is to ask how and wonder why.

Time keeps marching on
It won't be long
Before I'm gone

Courageously Afraid
It's done and said
Just life's parade

Strangely this pain is revival. Never stop at survival, and so I live.
Through all of life's cruelty, there's still beauty.
I try to give
Back to my Brethren.
If there's a Heaven, it must be earned.
So swing this damned cage open
Cling fast to hoping
And so I've learned.

Love keeps holding Strong. It won't be long til I'm with you.
If I must fight, I will, cause I can still. Where there's a Will,
then I will do!

Here in the darkness, there's a candle still burning bright.



Thank you all for being there for me through these years. I remember the kindness.

Much Love,
Mark