What happened to sweet dreams?

[djmac]

Hi all,

My dreams since my diagnosis have been horrible. At best they are disturbing, or weird, at worst they are absolutely horrifying. Last night I dreamt that I was being put into a small tight chamber with steam like an autoclave. Like a shiney metallic MRI, but even tighter fit (I'm claustrophobic). Of course, in the dream it was required for treatment or surveillance of TC. The night before that I dreamt that they were implanting a TC tumor in a volunteer to study it... like we do with mice.

My anxiety level was peaking in the month of January. I can see why I felt that way the, but exercise and an uneventful checkup helped calm me down a lot. So the question is... why the horrible dreams? What can I do to get some quality dream time, dream about supermodels and adventures, and feel good vibes when I wake up? Any help would be appreciated!

Regards,

djm

[Michael112]

Have you changed ur diet since diagnosis? I know last time I dieted I had heaps of weird dreams.

[Russell's Mom]

an idea

A friend once shared with me that he chose to find a symbol that would remind him that he was dreaming so that he could guide the direction of the dream or at least be aware that he was dreaming. A reality check so to speak. He chose his hands. Every time he saw his hands in his dream, he would remind himself that he was dreaming!! ??!! Something else that was shared, after the dream, when you are awake again, continue the dream story with an ending that is positive for you. Kindof fun to get creative! This is good for me, I need to practice my own words. It has been difficult for a while now. Thanks for bringing the question up. I think I will even write down some of the new endings. take care, Russell's Mom, Sharon

[mercyriver]

Dont' you just love stress dreams? My husband has dreams about being a hero and saving people. And what do I dream about when I am stressed, usally being shot at and chased. I've even had dreams about being shot point blank in the head.

Got to love stress!

I agree with trying to "guide" your dreams. Try to fall alseep thinking about something positive. Try to dream your dreams, think about them before you fall asleep. Day dream about them as you fall asleep.

It works fairly well most of the time.

Also, if you are willing to try aromatherapy Lavendar is a great one to help calm you, even while you sleep.

Hoping you get your sweet dreams back.

Becki

[dadmo]

My son was diagnosed almost 3 years ago and he has always said that the nights were the worst. Instead of sweet dreams he had sweat dreams. It's only within the past two months that the bad dreams have stopped. It may be his personality but it's problems at work that wake him up now.

[djmac]

Wow, Robert,

Thank you for your post and in general all of your insights across the forum. Surveillance? How do we do it? Well, I don't think its much different from anyone else. No matter what the treatment, I think the fear and anxiety will always be there, even if the treatment was aggressive.

My anxiety has certainly dropped in the last few weeks. Maybe the dreams reflect something deeper. Sometimes I fear that I "got off easy", then I remember the weeks of horror between surgery and pathology report, the uncertainty. Overall, the loss of "a body part" hasn't been much of an issue. If that is the worst that happens out of all of this I'll be a happy man. And yes, I am thankful for the gift this experience has given me. I've always been sensitive to other people's pain, but now I'm even more so. I've also taken this experience into my work as a cancer researcher. This experience gave me renewed purpose. I remember that I gave a talk on AML 2 weeks after my surgery. Thinking back, I wonder where I found the strength, but this is what we do I guess.

I remember my uro warning me that surveillance is not an easy path. I was really happy with my diagnosis in the short-term, I remember celebrating. The anxiety and fear kind of crept up on me, paralyzing me, until a good doctor threatened me with buspar if I didn't start exercising again.

Today, I really do feel that I'm strong enough to face the course of this disease, no matter what the outcome. I also know that no matter how long we live it won't be long enough, so I'm trying to accomplish a lot. With that thought I will go back to work... I've got some serious diseases to try to cure.

Regards,

djm

[dadmo]

My wife and I are trying to get Jason to scuba dive or do some free climbing with us and his standard answer now is "one death defying feat has been enough". How can you fault that?

[Russell's Mom]

waiting

On the day that Russell was discharged from the hospital, I asked Russell how it felt. I thought of freedom, fresh air, accomplishment. Ah, mother thinking I have it all covered. He said he was scared. We talked, then realized that it was like swimming accross the deep end of the pool for the first time. My emotions have gone flat...bewildering at a time when one would think there would be elation. Oh, that is in there, maybe it is just a sprout and will grow out of control!! For now, these posts have been very comforting and helpful to read as reminders that this river has many currents and edies!! If I can just relax my fists and relax in the water, it is much much easier. Tell that to my overflexed thoughts!! Am going to get some visual reminders to set my thoughts strong. Thank-you so much, Sharon

[djmac]

My wife and I are trying to get Jason to scuba dive or do some free climbing with us and his standard answer now is "one death defying feat has been enough". How can you fault that?

Yeah,

I used to rock climb a lot, and now for the first time I'm thinking of giving up and selling my gear. I'll give it one more year, but lately I just haven't felt the urge

djm

[dadmo]

I've done quite a bit of skydiving. Jason actually did that with me before he was sick. I tried to get my wife to jump (yes with a chute) but she was just too scared. Now Jason won't jump but Nancy is considereing it. Her feeling is that nothing can be more frightining then having a child with cancer and compaired to that the fear of falling is nothing.

[Fed]

Hey man,

Re: the bad dreams, I'm there with you. I usually don't remember my dreams, but lately there certainly have been some nasty ones, clearly more than before Dx. It got particularly bad a week or so ago when I was out in the west coast that, of all things, was called "Chemistry in Cancer Research." I only had to present a poster, so I didn't have to deal with the anxiety of a lecture; nevertheless, I had a hard time getting some good shut-eye due to nightmares. Maybe it was because I was away from my family for several days or because I'm waiting to hear about a couple of grants... who knows. Exercising has helped a bit, but I think it's something that'll take time to settle. The good thing is that I haven't had anxiety attacks like I did a couple of times in grad school , so I'm glad at least I have those in check.

Re: avoiding living on the edge, that kinda started after my kid was born. Certainly the Dx has cemented this further. I needed something to distract me that wouldn't be too adventurous, so I decided to learn Japanese. I figure a mental challenge will do for now (the physical challenge is to get back in shape ).

[dadmo]

Originally Posted by Robert2112
Something about the bubbles and being in water is comforting

I've tried that in the tub but all I ever get is complaints.