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I beat TC the first time, caught it early, no problem. Made it almost a year then it was back. I didn't want to lose my last ball, didn't want to be on hormone replacement therapy. I've always been strong, healthy and athletic. I was afraid of becoming the "sick kid".
I fought tooth and nail to keep the last guy, to beat cancer and move on, thinking I could do it again without the cancer leaving any real mark. I did my research, learned about the testicle sparing orchiectomy, interviewed surgeons, consulted with the top dogs at IU. It all seamed to go well.
Months later the symptoms became persistently intermittent. Just infrequent enough to keep me guessing. Presumably because the little guy was just barely hanging on. A new job, a new baby, the holidays, an energetic 3 year old, radiation. All more than enough to wear anyone out. But then there were mood swings, difficulty concentrating and loss of libido. I have a beautiful wife. For me to have little or no interest in... Doesn't make sense. None of this was characteristic of who I am.
Now, 6 months later, we know it didn't work out.
This is difficult. I feel as though somehow I've failed. It isn't true, I know. There are just some things we have no control over. Guess I've invested myself too much emotionally in the procedure. Truly expected success. The decisions are tough and at some point we all have to invest ourselves. Often there is more than one treatment option. So it's essential that we believe fully in our choice. Second guessing after the fact isn't healthy.
I had all the tests. The local docs said it was time to begin the testosterone a couple months ago. Still, chose to remain patient because they couldn't clearly say how long it take's to heal. Finally, I got a call from IU. Dr Birhle reviewed the labs, explained I should have healed and he was recommending I begin replacement therapy. We had a long conversation and he helped me feel better about this. He was the man I needed to hear from to have confidence in the decision and keep from wondering 'what if I just waited longer?'
So now I'm 3 weeks into replacement therapy and I feel great. I won't be too graphic. Let's just say my wife and I have made up for the last 6 months. I even love to snuggle with her again. It's like I've just returned from a really long trip. Sara is thrilled and convinced she's married the biggest stud on the block. I'm patient again, able to focus, mood swings are gone. I am the husband and father I was before it all started.
As for being the "sick kid" I never wanted to be. Just have to rethink this. If there were something wrong, I tried to ignore it and allowed this to have a bad effect on myself, my family and my friends. That would be SICK. I won't allow it. I'm still coming to grips with it. Even though I know so much of this is a head game it's still hard to be different.
I have no regrets in having the partial I/O and I hope others will still see this as an option if needed. I hope that by letting everyone know the potential success of this procedure depends in part on early diagnosis and a small mass, it might encourage people to be even more diligent with their self exams.
Like it or not, cancer does leave a mark. Mine is yellow and I'll wear it proudly.
Last but not least, got the "ALL CLEAR" at the surveillance appointment this morning.
Thanks for listening,
-chris
I fought tooth and nail to keep the last guy, to beat cancer and move on, thinking I could do it again without the cancer leaving any real mark. I did my research, learned about the testicle sparing orchiectomy, interviewed surgeons, consulted with the top dogs at IU. It all seamed to go well.
Months later the symptoms became persistently intermittent. Just infrequent enough to keep me guessing. Presumably because the little guy was just barely hanging on. A new job, a new baby, the holidays, an energetic 3 year old, radiation. All more than enough to wear anyone out. But then there were mood swings, difficulty concentrating and loss of libido. I have a beautiful wife. For me to have little or no interest in... Doesn't make sense. None of this was characteristic of who I am.
Now, 6 months later, we know it didn't work out.
This is difficult. I feel as though somehow I've failed. It isn't true, I know. There are just some things we have no control over. Guess I've invested myself too much emotionally in the procedure. Truly expected success. The decisions are tough and at some point we all have to invest ourselves. Often there is more than one treatment option. So it's essential that we believe fully in our choice. Second guessing after the fact isn't healthy.
I had all the tests. The local docs said it was time to begin the testosterone a couple months ago. Still, chose to remain patient because they couldn't clearly say how long it take's to heal. Finally, I got a call from IU. Dr Birhle reviewed the labs, explained I should have healed and he was recommending I begin replacement therapy. We had a long conversation and he helped me feel better about this. He was the man I needed to hear from to have confidence in the decision and keep from wondering 'what if I just waited longer?'
So now I'm 3 weeks into replacement therapy and I feel great. I won't be too graphic. Let's just say my wife and I have made up for the last 6 months. I even love to snuggle with her again. It's like I've just returned from a really long trip. Sara is thrilled and convinced she's married the biggest stud on the block. I'm patient again, able to focus, mood swings are gone. I am the husband and father I was before it all started.
As for being the "sick kid" I never wanted to be. Just have to rethink this. If there were something wrong, I tried to ignore it and allowed this to have a bad effect on myself, my family and my friends. That would be SICK. I won't allow it. I'm still coming to grips with it. Even though I know so much of this is a head game it's still hard to be different.
I have no regrets in having the partial I/O and I hope others will still see this as an option if needed. I hope that by letting everyone know the potential success of this procedure depends in part on early diagnosis and a small mass, it might encourage people to be even more diligent with their self exams.
Like it or not, cancer does leave a mark. Mine is yellow and I'll wear it proudly.
Last but not least, got the "ALL CLEAR" at the surveillance appointment this morning.
Thanks for listening,
-chris
testosterone implants May 2008
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