so sorry to hear the news

[kollerjones]

I haven't posted since December as life has a way of swallowing you once you get busy. I did a search for Neals' sister to find out how things were going and found out he and another member had passed away. I am devastated for the both of you. Made me realize how lucky my husband has been in surviving this roller coaster of a journey. He was first diagnosed at stage IIIc nonseminoma. Went through a bunch of treatments including a tandem HDC which failed. Most recently he did have the Gem-Ox treatments but only 3 1/2 cycles. They had to stop because the side effects were outweighing any benefit. His tumor markers did normalize - so the Cleveland Clinic figures they at least bought him some time. Things were so bad at the time (just before they ended treatment) I was looking for a home nurse. My husband would go days without showering, eating, and even wet the bed a few times. yet after hitting rock bottom, he improved considerably approx 6 weeks after ending treatment and has been doing fairly well ever since. I'm not saying that he is cured (the tumors are stil there) but that his quality of life returned. We go back to the Cleveland Clinic on June 29 for a CT scan. I knew going in the odds of survival with this treatment (that he couldn't finish) are less than 20%, and have at this point resigned myself to the likely outcome - whether its this year or next or the one after that. While there is no expiration date on the bottoms of our feet, the reality is people do die no matter how much we love or care for them. I am not one to give up - and don't feel that I am - but would rather he LIVE what ever days are left than suffer through these guessing games. The old issue of quantity over quality. My heart sincerely goes out to all those who have suffered losses, and all those who continue to fight and worry about recurrance.

[Savin16]

My god, I'm sitting here wondering how to reply to your thread shaking my head with tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry for what your husband and you have gone through. And amazed at both your will to do whatever it takes. He has gone through some nasty stuff. I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more, I HATE CANCER. Prayers to you both.

[Karen]

kollerjones,
Good to hear from you again....you have been in my thoughts. When I first joined this site it was you, Hopeful and Cellblock that my heart went out to. And now it is so many more, unfortunately. I'm glad you husband's quality of life has improved, but my God, how I wish this wasn't happening to you both!! You have shown your strength and I expect you'll keep that going forward. Please stay in touch if you can.
Hugs,
Karen

[petep]

killerjones -

its 1am and I find myself on this site...you have been an inspriration to so many people here with your outlook...thank you.

pete

[Margaret]

Koller Jones...there are no words. You are amazing in everyway and I will pray that you and your husband find a way to beat this monster once and for all.