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Hi, i've been reading this forum on and off since January this year from the day i suspected i had TC. I decided to register and post my story mostly just to vent and get out my concerns and worries......
For me it all started about 5 weeks prior to christmas. I went to work just like any normal day feeling fine and healthy. However after lunch i didn't feel quite right my stomach was gurgling and i had a bad bout of diarrhea followed by my first ever panic attack. I simply put it down to something i ate that hadn't agreed with me, but the anxiety wouldn't pass. Over the next few days my stomach/bowels hadn't settled and i was suffering severe anxiety, convincing myself i had a variety of things from bowel cancer, stomach caner to brain tumours. As this part seems to have little relevance at the minute i'll cut it short, basically i suffered for the following 5/6 weeks constant and relentless anxiety and depression, it simply wouldn't go away and I was buzzing none stop.
After christmas i returned from my Fiance's (we'd got engaged at christmas) and I was sat at work with my hand in pocket having a scratch and a feel as men sometimes do. Something didn't feel right though, it felt harder than i'd remembered it being in the past. Having lost the other testicle when i was 4 as it had failed to develop i had nothing to compare it to. With the levels of anxiety i had been having over the last 5 or so weeks anyway this set me off into an almost constent state of panic, and i decided to book an emergency appointment with the doctor. As with the stomach problems i'd convinced myself it was cancer but truth be told i didn't really think it would be but felt i needed the consultation to set my mind at rest.
I went to the doctors and she had a good old feel around, umm'd and arr'd and decided that she wasn't qualified enough to make a final diagnosis and that i would be best seen by a General Surgeon (er why??? Urologist you mean surely?). Due to the unique way the NHS is funded i wouldn't get to see this consultant for a further 4 weeks. Well as i was already bouncing off the walls there was no way in hell i was gonna survive 4 weeks of not knowing and took in on myself to book a private consultation in 3 days time.
Tuesday came for my appointment and off we went, the consultant had a good feel and i could immediately tell on his face that he knew it didn't look good, he aranged an immediate ultra sound scan that afternoon (again privately) and a further consultation that evening to discuss the results. Obviously the radiologist confirmed that it was suspected TC, sufficiently enough that an appointment was made to see a Urologist 2 days later who booked me in for the operation a week later.
Again i'm waffling so i'll speed it up, operation went fine and i had the usual biopsies, blood work, chest X-Ray and CT scan before being past onto the Oncologist. The bloody work showed raised levels of b-HCG and AFP and the biopsy confirmed a teratoma (in the UK this is a broader term that includes all none-seminoma cell types, but i can't remember the exact break down).
From what i can remember of the pathology report it showed that tumour was indeed teratoma with 2 or 3 cell types (i think yolk sac was one of them and i don't think choriocarcinoma was in there), with no sigs of vascular or lymphatic invasion (this I assume is a good thing). The post op CT-Scans, X-Rays had come back clear, and the tumour markers had dropped to 'normal' levels. He classified it as Stage I teratoma and was happy enough with the pathology report, scans and further blood work to suggest the best treatment here on in was simply surveilance.
Since then i have had a further CT-Scan and a few more blood tests, all coming back clean and i am now 5 months since my operation. I am due another visit this monday with the oncologist. Also has i now have no testicles what so ever i have under-gone testosterone replacement therapy starting with patches and now moved onto Nebido injections.
So you'd think i'd be feeling pretty good about it all, i'm getting TRT (a fight i know many have to go through to get) and things, as far as they keep saying, look good in terms of my prognosis.
Unfortunately not, 2 weeks ago i started again with constant signs of anxiety and depression, my stomach and bowels are all over the place (having had this checked by a gastro it is mostly likely related to the stress and anxiety) and i have 100% convinced myself that my cancer MUST have returned. It simply seems to me far too much of a coincidence to have suffered that bout of anixety prior to discovery the lump and cancer for it not to be related in some way (although no doctor has confirmed it is or isn't) and hence i've now convinced myself that if that's back so must my cancer.
As i say i don't have much of a point to this post other than to vent as i'm sat at work unable to concentrate on what i should be doing and instead thinking about how much i don't want it to return.
It seems that after every visit i forget everything the oncologist has said and can not remember how likely it is that MY cancer will return, i don't know if it was a typically fast growing type of TC or not, i don't know how relevant the vascular/lymphatic invasion results are in determining the likely hood of it returning.
To be honest i just want it to be gone and for my moods to get back on track so i can get on with enjoying life like i should, i mean surely i should be pleased the initial results when i was diagnosed could have been far far worse, so why am I concentrating on the dark side all the time.
Anyway, sorry for waffling, and thanks for reading
(if you're all still awake).
For me it all started about 5 weeks prior to christmas. I went to work just like any normal day feeling fine and healthy. However after lunch i didn't feel quite right my stomach was gurgling and i had a bad bout of diarrhea followed by my first ever panic attack. I simply put it down to something i ate that hadn't agreed with me, but the anxiety wouldn't pass. Over the next few days my stomach/bowels hadn't settled and i was suffering severe anxiety, convincing myself i had a variety of things from bowel cancer, stomach caner to brain tumours. As this part seems to have little relevance at the minute i'll cut it short, basically i suffered for the following 5/6 weeks constant and relentless anxiety and depression, it simply wouldn't go away and I was buzzing none stop.
After christmas i returned from my Fiance's (we'd got engaged at christmas) and I was sat at work with my hand in pocket having a scratch and a feel as men sometimes do. Something didn't feel right though, it felt harder than i'd remembered it being in the past. Having lost the other testicle when i was 4 as it had failed to develop i had nothing to compare it to. With the levels of anxiety i had been having over the last 5 or so weeks anyway this set me off into an almost constent state of panic, and i decided to book an emergency appointment with the doctor. As with the stomach problems i'd convinced myself it was cancer but truth be told i didn't really think it would be but felt i needed the consultation to set my mind at rest.
I went to the doctors and she had a good old feel around, umm'd and arr'd and decided that she wasn't qualified enough to make a final diagnosis and that i would be best seen by a General Surgeon (er why??? Urologist you mean surely?). Due to the unique way the NHS is funded i wouldn't get to see this consultant for a further 4 weeks. Well as i was already bouncing off the walls there was no way in hell i was gonna survive 4 weeks of not knowing and took in on myself to book a private consultation in 3 days time.
Tuesday came for my appointment and off we went, the consultant had a good feel and i could immediately tell on his face that he knew it didn't look good, he aranged an immediate ultra sound scan that afternoon (again privately) and a further consultation that evening to discuss the results. Obviously the radiologist confirmed that it was suspected TC, sufficiently enough that an appointment was made to see a Urologist 2 days later who booked me in for the operation a week later.
Again i'm waffling so i'll speed it up, operation went fine and i had the usual biopsies, blood work, chest X-Ray and CT scan before being past onto the Oncologist. The bloody work showed raised levels of b-HCG and AFP and the biopsy confirmed a teratoma (in the UK this is a broader term that includes all none-seminoma cell types, but i can't remember the exact break down).
From what i can remember of the pathology report it showed that tumour was indeed teratoma with 2 or 3 cell types (i think yolk sac was one of them and i don't think choriocarcinoma was in there), with no sigs of vascular or lymphatic invasion (this I assume is a good thing). The post op CT-Scans, X-Rays had come back clear, and the tumour markers had dropped to 'normal' levels. He classified it as Stage I teratoma and was happy enough with the pathology report, scans and further blood work to suggest the best treatment here on in was simply surveilance.
Since then i have had a further CT-Scan and a few more blood tests, all coming back clean and i am now 5 months since my operation. I am due another visit this monday with the oncologist. Also has i now have no testicles what so ever i have under-gone testosterone replacement therapy starting with patches and now moved onto Nebido injections.
So you'd think i'd be feeling pretty good about it all, i'm getting TRT (a fight i know many have to go through to get) and things, as far as they keep saying, look good in terms of my prognosis.
Unfortunately not, 2 weeks ago i started again with constant signs of anxiety and depression, my stomach and bowels are all over the place (having had this checked by a gastro it is mostly likely related to the stress and anxiety) and i have 100% convinced myself that my cancer MUST have returned. It simply seems to me far too much of a coincidence to have suffered that bout of anixety prior to discovery the lump and cancer for it not to be related in some way (although no doctor has confirmed it is or isn't) and hence i've now convinced myself that if that's back so must my cancer.
As i say i don't have much of a point to this post other than to vent as i'm sat at work unable to concentrate on what i should be doing and instead thinking about how much i don't want it to return.
It seems that after every visit i forget everything the oncologist has said and can not remember how likely it is that MY cancer will return, i don't know if it was a typically fast growing type of TC or not, i don't know how relevant the vascular/lymphatic invasion results are in determining the likely hood of it returning.
To be honest i just want it to be gone and for my moods to get back on track so i can get on with enjoying life like i should, i mean surely i should be pleased the initial results when i was diagnosed could have been far far worse, so why am I concentrating on the dark side all the time.
Anyway, sorry for waffling, and thanks for reading
(if you're all still awake).
Sitting in that office waiting for them to stage Boyce, I felt like I was going to peel my skin off. Seriously, I was a mess. And the worse the fear got that something terrible was going to happen to him, the worse I felt physically and mentally. It is a scary time for everyone. You have been through a big event and talking that out with someone will serve you well now and also help smooth out some bumps in the road for your future.
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