Got two very different opinions

[Margaret]

Was not sure how to title this...

Boyce had his CT with IV contrast this morning...fingers crossed for great news...the waiting (even after all this time) still remains the hardest part.

Next we were off to our follow up visit with the urologist. We told him that Boyce, since the last time we saw him, has returned to full function and did not have retro-grade after his RPLND. We did ask about the chances of trying to get pregnant and he said you can not get pregnant until at least 18 months post chemo. I was very surprised. He said the chance of something being wrong with the baby is higher and I would "most likely mis-carry the baby if I were to get pregnant now".

At the cancer center they told me to go on birth control when Boyce started chemo.....I guess they felt the chemo would really bring out our deeply romantic sides ....ha ha, just kidding and for those wondering, that was a waste of birth control and money because I think it was the last thing on our minds. Anyway...when he finished with chemo, they said to wait 90 days before going off the birth control to allow the chemo a chance to get out of his system before taking any chances that we would get pregnant in the first 3 months following.

So 18 months or 3 months seem like a HUGE difference to me. In Oct. it will be one year since he had chemo and I was looking forward to getting life back to normal. Now he is saying I should go back on birth control.

I trust our urologist, please don't think I don't, but these two opinions were so different, I thought I would bring my confusion here.

I will let you know about the CT scan as soon as we hear.

HUGS!

[Already Bald]

Geez,
I don't know Margaret, but I would wait the full 18 months if I were in your shoes. What did they say at MSKCC?

[jaybird]

My wife and I are trying to get pregnant right now so I have been talking to my Urologist about it (b/c we have had a miscarriage). Even though I am seven years out from chemo my doctor suggested to do a sperm analysis. I haven’t done it yet but plan to if we have another miscarriage. When you feel its safe to try, Boyce might consider getting the sperm looked at under a microscope.

I was told to wait about 18 month to make sure the sperm is genetically healthy. You also might want to talk with your gynecologist as well. My wife’s has been helpful to us.

Hope this helps a little.

[Mom]

Margaret, I think Boyce should have a semen analysis done now. He should really have a base line and then have another one in 6 months. It is my understanding that sperm regenerates every three months so the time distance from the end of chemo certainly helps with the process of creating, new healthy sperm.

[sldl1106]

Margaret -

Sorry you have to deal with conflicting stories on something so sensitive. Rob and I asked at Sloan and were told to wait at least one year after chemo. So 12 months being the least, I bet 18 months is a safe bet.

Sounds like a good plan for Boyce to have a semen analysis. (I would have Rob have one too, to err on the side of caution.)

It will be disappointing to have one more thing on hold, especially planning for such a joyful event, but you definitely want all conditions optimal!

Fingers crossed for the CT scan, let us know!

[Margaret]

Thanks guys! Sounds like 18 months is the way to go. We may consider getting his sperm tested, I just did not know if I wanted to put Boyce through more testing. He will be 40 next year and I will be 35 next year....so we are not spring chickens anyway. Maybe that is why waiting another year seems so far away. But only God knows what is meant for us...and I am putting my trust in him and what ever he chooses for our lives is meant to be. We have our little boy, who will turn 8 in Sept, and his little half moon shaped eyes always seem to complete me.

[TCLEFT]

Hey Margaret,
Did you know that 9 out of 7 people have trouble with statistics? I'm one of those people, or maybe two?!? Hence my 3 bouts with a seminoma which was supposed to be done after 1 bout. Before I trashed these statistics, my wife and I trashed the % effectiveness of Ortho-Novum. Read the box, it's 99% effective. Guess who a 1%er is. Well, that was eight years ago. We now have a 15 year old Son and an 8 year old Daughter. She was and is a soul that just demanded to be here, and I for one am glad she is. Anyway, to make a short story long, my wife was 36 when she had her and I was, well, older . Chicken, Schmicken, I'm sure in 18 months you'll both be ready to add to your Family. I have to go rest my fingers from counting now, there was too many numbers for me in this post.
Love ya,
Mark

[Margaret]

I can always find a way to smile when I come here.

Mark...I am one of those people who is always planning too much and trying to figure out what % I am in. i need to stop that! If this cancer taught me one thing, it is that you can not always plan your life, you just have to handle what ever comes your way with as much grace as possible.

I will count my blessing and stop fretting. How did all of you get to be so awesome???!!!

[Karen]

Which reminds me of a quote posted by djmac....another one of my favorites:
"You must abandon the life you planned, to live the life that was meant for you"

I was 37 when I was sliced open like an over-ripe Jersey tomato to deliver my daughter . I'd play it on the safe side and wait the year to have a healthy baby. Practice, practice, practice......

[Lori]

Hi, we don't have kids yet and were trying when Jon was diagnosed. Now it will be IVF due to retrograde ejaculation. We went for an initial consult a few months ago just to get a feel for what we were up against. We were only 6 months post cancer craziness and not thinking we would begin IVF until next year. Well the docs went on and on about our age and that since I'll be 38 next month we really shouldn't wait.....I have three friends at or over 40 who have each conceived naturally and are approaching full term! We are doing this on our own terms!

[Already Bald]

Hi, we don't have kids yet and were trying when Jon was diagnosed. Now it will be IVF due to retrograde ejaculation. We went for an initial consult a few months ago just to get a feel for what we were up against. We were only 6 months post cancer craziness and not thinking we would begin IVF until next year. Well the docs went on and on about our age and that since I'll be 38 next month we really shouldn't wait.....I have three friends at or over 40 who have each conceived naturally and are approaching full term! We are doing this on our own terms!

Good luck, Lori and Jon. I know a lot of couples about 40 that are just starting on their families. I was 38 when my youngest was born- they keep you busy, but they also keep you young!

[Margaret]

Lori, I see that your hubby had his RPLND in Nov. Boyce had his done in Dec. and it took a few months before the retro went away. Did they try nerve sparing? If they did, it still may return...just a thought.

I am going to wait the full 18 months and then we will decide how much we want another child. Boyce just started feeling more 'normal' in March and he is still dealing with the DVT and I just have to keep reminding myself that we 'just' went through this and not to rush ourselves. We had tried to have another child a few years ago with no luck (I think it may have been TC related looking back) and then we had talked about trying again a few months before they discovered his cancer. But it seems like things are changing all the time. By this time next year, we may be getting more comfortable with the idea that we are not going to have another child.

Karen, this "You must abandon the life you planned, to live the life that was meant for you" may be one of the best quotes I have ever heard. I am writing it down and putting it on my board in the office. This quote was made for me!

[Margaret]

Just wanted to let you guys know that Boyce's CT came back clear. We do not have all the details yet, because we don't go back to the doctor until Wednesday of next week...but the nurse called ahead of time to say she took a peek and everything looked good.

Will make going to the doc appt. next week a bit easier.

Thanks for all the support!

Love,

m

[TCLEFT]

I just can't get tired of those two words. Carpe Maltem/Carpe Vinem - Seize a Beer and a glass of wine and Celebrate. Congrats!
Mark

[Already Bald]

Great News!