Chemo treatments

[Bob cp]

Hello everyone.

As mentioned in my previous post from July 18, I went to the oncologist on July 30. They started chemo on July 31. It is the one week on, three weeks off schedule. So, I go Tue-Fri of this week and Mon of next week. So far,
other than bad fatigue the first day, and a queasy stomach coming into today, I have been ok. They have me on Zofran and one other med to offset any kind of stomach problems. I found out today that yes I can take one if I wake up in the morning with an upset stomach, even if I am going in that same morning for chemo, which of course includes nausea medication via i.v.

Having said all of this, I am dealing with all sorts of issues emotionally. For example, every time I think about the treatments, I can imagine the normally pleasant odor of the facility, and I become sick to my stomach. Every time I see a commercial on tv regarding cancer, I change the channel. Whereas before I would have some kind of empathy, now its like I don't want to hear about it. All throughout this, I was well aware of the physical aspects of chemotherapy. But, somehow I missed the emotional part. Even though I know full well the wonderful success rate of treatment for this kind of cancer, I still find myself wondering... I am sure these are all "normal" symptoms, and most of you have "been there, done that". But this is where I am almost through the first week. I am looking forward to the three week break in between. So far, the physical signs have only been mild(as mentioned above). It's the emotional part that is getting to me. Thanks for providing this forum to vent on.

Bob

[Scott]

I think that's a completely reasonable response to a totally unreasonable situation. Nobody should have to go through this.

[Fed]

Bob,
Clearly you are going through one of cancer's burdens hardest to bear: the little number it does inside all of our heads. Dealing with the physical aspects is one thing you can pretty much expect; but few, if any, tell you about the emotional sneak attacks that can happen. Like you said, many of us have "been there and done that", and this is something that stays with you for better or for worse. You are not wrong in reacting the way you have. Rest assured that we are all here whenever you need to vent and let things out.

[MRMRSU]

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Hi Bob: I'm so very sorry to hear about the emotional toll that chemo is taking on you. My husband Andy did not go through chemo, but I am very familiar with the sad tone in your post...the NOT wanting to hear any more about it. I remember Andy storming off one night just at the sight of the word "cancer" on an article I was reading, and he's usually so very even-keeled. Some of the things I told him through our darkest moments (hoping you might find some comfort in this Bob)...

*You are never alone in this, despite those days when you feel all alone.
*Do not let this consume you.
*Cancer does not define you, your character does.
*No pity-parties allowed!
*We'll take any victories, despite how small they may seem.
*You will rise above this.
*Pull from within.
*Just a little while longer.

We can't change what happened yesterday, can't bet too much on tomorrow, but we can control our perspective on how we handle the NOW. Bob, best wishes...I'll be checking up on you to cheer you through this.

[Margaret]

Hi Bob...all normal reactions to what you are going through...yet, it does NOT make it any easier.

Someone said to us at the cancer center "When I first got told I had cancer, I did not want to talk about it or think about...just treat me and get it over with...and the last day of my treatment, I went home, ready to put it behind me...and now it is ALL I can talk about."

Maybe you need to get through what you are going through physically first and then you can deal with the emotional part. I was on auto pilot during my husband's treatment and fell apart emotionally when he was finished. You need to do this at YOUR pace and let us know when you need to lean on us.
We will be here always.

[sldl1106]

Hi Bob -

My husband went through something similar. He wouldn't, or couldn't, read or watch anything to do with cancer. He still hasn't come to the forum yet. He just wanted to do exactly as he was told and didn't want to know anything past that. And that was what worked for him. He would also lose sleep as the time got nearer to go back for chemo... his nerves, and he did mention once to me that he couldn't even stand the smell of the place anymore.

Now that chemo is over, he is much more comfortable talking about all aspects of it, reading things, watching things, etc.

I hope it goes more smoothly for you going forward. The break in between rounds will hopefully help you mentally/emotionally as well as physically.

Are you getting Ativan? It calms the nerves as well as being anti-nausea. Taking it the night before and mornings of treatment could help, if you are allowed.

[Bob cp]

Amazingly enough, today was a better day emotionally. But the physical side affects are a little more pronounced. I gotta take it in stride. Remember, the toilet is our friend! lol!

Anyway, thanks for the comments and words of support. No more chemo 'til Monday! Yeah! And then none for three weeks afterwards. Awesome.

A question: Is life fairly "normal" during the in between weeks physically?

Bob

================================================== ==========
diagnosed: 2/2007 right orch. 2/26/07 lab3/1/07:mixed-germ cell 40% non-seminoma embroynic carcinoma 60% seminoma stage 1B tc2 lymphatic invasion CT Scan 3/17/07: clear Blood test 3/15/07:no cancer markers.
surveillance 4/07 Blood tests in May and June:clear.
CT Scan 7/12/07:
3.5 X 2.5cm growth on lymph nodes. slight non-describable cells in kidney.
BEP began 7/31/07

[Margaret]

Hi Bob, during Boyce's "off" weeks...he would regain strength and begin to feel more 'normal' every day.

You are doing great!

[Bagpipe]

Bob, good luck with your treatment. You will be just fine. Make sure you rest as much as possible and try not to over exert yourself as you progress from cycle to cycle. Towards the latter cycles you may feel increasingly tired, out of breath etc. Just keep checking in with your oncologist and keep an eye on those blood counts. I wonder if you are at IUPUI?? If so, you are in great hands. Best Wishes!

[Already Bald]

A question: Is life fairly "normal" during the in between weeks physically?

Hi Bob,
So sorry that you are in the middle of damn chemo- but I'm certain you will pull through just fine. As far as how you feel physically, you really need to keep your fluids up- it's super duper important. My sex drive dropped a bit during my chemo, but came right back after.
You will be fine.
Kee us posted.
Joe

[Karen]

Hang in there bob....another week behind you!

[k.strehle]

chemo

bob

hang in there. my chemo had 4 21 day cycles of which 5 days were(bep) in the hospital. after that there was 3 21 day cycles of which 5 days were(tip) in the hospital. yes the emotions run high or very low. a very emotional rollercoaster. the nurses i had were the best. the week after the hospital was the worse as the immune system is wasted. stay away from the people places..walmart...the pharmacy. as it tends to be breeding grounds for infections.....had 2 times where i was right back in hospital with sepsis.
hope all goes well. you will be fine.

k.strehle

fight the good fight and dont give up

[Bob cp]

The last day of my first round of chemo was Monday. I got sick again last night, but today I felt the best I've felt in a long time. Yesterday was the first time they gave the bleomycin(80 U iv bolus qw x 9 doses). I get that once a week for nine weeks total. I do not go back for the second 5 day round of Etoposide, Cisplatin, and Filgrastim for three weeks. Thank God. As I said, while I am at chemo, I am fine. It's when I am not if I start thinking about the place, I get nauseous. Someone asked me today about the recliners, and I could barely tell the person without getting sick to my stomach for a few seconds. There is a lot more psychological to this than I thought.

There is some ringing in my ears off and on since yesterday, and it seems like the hearing in my left ear is reduced a tad. I've not read anything in the list of side effects that mentions ringing in the ears.

This is the latest. Thanks for your cares.

Bob
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
diagnosed: 2/2007 right orch. 2/26/07 lab3/1/07:mixed-germ cell 40% non-seminoma embroynic carcinoma 60% seminoma stage 1B tc2 lymphatic invasion CT Scan 3/17/07: clear Blood test 3/15/07:no cancer markers.
surveillance 4/07 Blood tests in May and June:clear.
CT Scan 7/12/07:
3.5 X 2.5cm growth on lymph nodes. slight non-describable cells in kidney.
BEP began 7/31/07

[Fed]

There is some ringing in my ears off and on since yesterday, and it seems like the hearing in my left ear is reduced a tad. I've not read anything in the list of side effects that mentions ringing in the ears.

Glad to hear that round one is done with. The ringing in the ears is a side effect of the cisplatin. Unfortunately, cisplatin can cause some cumulative nerve damage, and the auditory nerve is frequently affected by the platinum complexes.

[dollfin1204]

Interesting, while reading your posts below I asked my boyfriend if he has had ringing in his ears at all during treatment. He said he also has ringing at times. He never complains about anything (he is such a good patient) so I would have never of know!